crumbly crumbly crummy crummy

i've been feeling a little crummy today. not sure if it's the weather, the fact that i have a lot of things to do but no motivation to follow through, withdrawal from a great weekend (that's another post for another time), boredom, or because my room is messy (it really does make a difference.) in any case, i had high hopes for today to be a productive one but it has just been one of those days. here's to hoping tomorrow will be bigger, brighter, and better - good thing it's only a day away.

s w o l l e n

after a year of being swollen-eyed-free, this happened again on sat, completely out of the blue. i was completely fine for the whole morning, but in the afternoon things went a little crazy. one minute i'm in the car driving to the mall with an itchy left eye, the next i'm in the mall and then driving home while blinking and trying not to rubba-a-dubb-dubb my eye as the itchiness spreads to the right and the swelling starts, and the next i'm lying on the couch with both of my eyes swollen beyond belief.



it was worse than the last time it happened in that while it took a couple of hours to get from the first picture to the fourth and it only took about 45 mins this time around. two days later, the swelling is almost gone and i'm starting look less like cristina yang and more like myself again.

i still have no idea what allergen i was exposed to that caused this bad of a reaction which makes me nervous. i've gone over the morning again and again, searching for something, anything, which may have been the cause. so far i've been unsuccessful, but for now i'm just thankful that the massive swelling has gone down and life is getting back to normal. here's to hoping it doesn't happen again.

the beginning of a new era...

in our attempt to live a little healthier and exercise more (ok exercise, period) adrienne and i decided to get off our butts and go play some 'tennis'. and by 'tennis' i mean running around a tennis court with our racquets trying to hit the ball. anyway, it was great fun and we were able to get in some good playing time for about 40 minutes before the lightning started and the rain fell. all in all it was good times, so we've decided to (try to) make it a weekly thing. i'm excited - yay for tennis thursdays! :)

p.s. i bought a new tennis racquet a few years ago because my hands were too small for the other one and i must say, the smaller/thinner handle makes such a huge difference: the racquet feels great and my wrist isn't in pain this time around. sweet.

things that go kaboom in the sky

^ sadly i can't take credit for this picture. image from chromasia.

i went with justin and some friends to see the fireworks at the unionville festival yesterday. as per usual, the fireworks were big, bright, and beautiful - and worth all the mosquito bites. there was just something so heartening about the scene as a whole, standing there beside my favourite person in front of toogood pond watching explosions of light illuminate the sky while hearing the sound of laughter, oohs, and ahhs escape from the crowd around me.

it's all about enjoying the small moments in life. :)

so slothy

so far, today has been one of those days - lazy, unproductive, and slothy. i've been trying to get working on my case study, but i've had such a hard time focusing. motivation is at an all-time low, which is unfortunate seeing as i really need to get this bloody accreditation file done so i can move on to bigger and better things in life. sid the sloth may be cute (in a really ugly and demented sort of way), but slothiness is nothing but fugly to its core. must get past this hurdle and out of this hole.

a touch of green

^ photo taken somewhere near the opera house

the days are getting longer, the weather is getting warmer, and neighbourhoods all over are becoming spotted with little green flecks. spring has arrived - and not a moment too soon.

brooke fraser | a l b e r t i n e

...like a breath of fresh air, this is music to my ears. and heart.

three of three

today i heard back from the final university i applied to (and my first choice of all three.) it came in a small envelope so as i opened it i was preparing myself for another rejection, but instead it said that i made it onto their waitlist. even though it's not a "yes, you're in!" i'm still pretty excited to have made it onto the list and even happier that they said that my application was excellent. :) so at the end of it all i got rejected once and waitlisted twice - an improvement from last time so regardless of whatever happens at least i will feel like i accomplished something. yeah. i'm happy. there is still hope. :)

and the waiting continues to continue...

two of three

i've been waitlisted at one of the remaining two universities i applied to (read: there is still hope, even if the chance is slim.) :) i'm actually just really happy that there was some improvement relative to my last attempt. kinda makes me feel like all my hard work and sweat wasn't totally for nothing. anyway, still haven't heard anything from my first choice - not sure if this is a good thing or not - but i'm thinking i'll most likely hear back from them within the next week or so. this is nerve-wracking.

the waiting continues...

one of three

so i didn't make it into one of the programs i applied to. sucks, but that's ok. even though i'm pretty crushed, i can't really do anything other than keep my chin up and just wait for the next two results to come in. i truly did try my best, and i think God recognizes that, so regardless of whatever the outcome may be i will have that to hold onto. and that (ideally) should be enough, right?

one down, two to go. :/

Easter Sunday: three days later...

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His, and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Good Friday: Remember...

...and be thankful.

last night as i was waiting for my eyes to close until the morning, i remember my heart feeling heavy with a sense of anxiousness, impatience, and frustration at my lack of control in this whole situation. since i could feel that i was still minutes away from drifting off to sleep, i decided to take the time to cry out for patience and a sense of peace despite everything when suddenly the thought "Not my will, but Yours" came to mind. i immediate became very aware of the fact that on the same very night (at least symbolically) 2008 years ago, Someone Else cried the same words out into the stillness of the night, distraught, broken, and pleading, with the weight of the world on His shoulders - literally.

at that moment the verses recited at every communion came flooding into my mind and the depth of those words, the graveness of His situation, and the realness of it all, truly pierced me. my heart instantly felt so much lighter as i was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and peace, and enveloped in His love as i drifted off into sleep.

He stayed awake that night so I could sleep.
He gave His life so i could live.

Amazing Grace, indeed.

the waiting game

it's been a while since my first attempt, but once again i find myself in the same place as i was two years ago: waiting.

it's the worst part of the whole process and the part that takes the most strength because it's so much more than just waiting for a letter. i'm waiting to see what the next step is, waiting to see what direction to head towards, and waiting in expectancy because despite all the obstacles and setbacks that have come and will come my way, i'm still holding onto this promise:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jer 29:11-13

seeking, waiting, and trusting that my future is in good hands...

switchfoot | 24

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

confessions of a swollen-eyed girl

ok, i confess: i'm one of those people who itch their eyes when they're itchy. i know i'm not supposed to do this, and i try my best not to (i really do!) but sometimes i just can't help it. :(

...NEVER again.

so yesterday, when i was at work, my eyes started to get itchy. i tried to ignore it, blink hard, or do something other than scratch, but sooner or later my finger found its way to my eye and began doing its thing. at first things were ok...then things got bad. really bad. it kinda went like this:



lovely, no? anyway, it's been almost a day since this happened but for some reason my eyes are still puffy (aghhhh). wierd thing is, i've never looked more asian in my life. the puffiness made my double eye-lid fold thing disappear, shrunk the size of my eyes, and now i look like cristina yang.

lesson learned. don't rub your eyes.

sidenote: today i went to work with puffy eyes, but oddly enough, the only person to comment on the puffiness was the only other chinese girl working there. it's like the others didn't even realize they were puffy at all...haha. :P

oh well, hopefully the swelling with disappear by tonight. i'm watching shrek 3 with the girls... ;)

door number two is closed too.

i love music, i really do. i'm soon-to-be graduating with a BMT (bachelor of music therapy) & BA Psych, and in retrospect i'm glad that i chose the option i did, but the road to where i'm at now has been tough, long, and full of resistance...from me.

i realized today that throughout my whole life, i've constantly tried to run away from music. i've tried different things, but i've never been able distance myself from it. in elementary school i did this by refusing to fill out the arts york program applications until the morning of the day it was due (and even so it was only because liz made me); in high school i did this by originally applying for only science programs; and in university it was applying to masters programs in speech-language pathology for post-grad education.

well, all my attempts failed: i ended up going to unionville high school for their arts york piano program, then going to wilfrid laurier university for music (then eventually music therapy), and i didn't get into any of the schools i applied to for speech-language pathology. i don't believe in coincidences, so it's not by chance that any of these things happened. with all that in mind, i can't help but ask myself why i'm so reluctant to enter into the music field when He has guided me this far, and has equipped me with musical skills.

to make a long explanation short, i'm scared.

just call me Jonah. maybe this, my not getting into speech, was my big fish...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11

...but even jonah eventually learned that with God's help he could overcome his own personal baggage and follow God's plan for his life right? i suppose now it's my turn.

where You lead me, i will follow...