a glimpse of sharon world...

Your Kingdom Come, Your Will Be Done.

I originally didn't want to go to Urbana 2003. Spiritually, I was in a place where I didn't even want to be surrounded by so many Christians and when the time came for us to go I was so far from Him - so far from our Father, so far from my Creator. I was unsatisfied with the life that He created for me, unsatisfied with the things in which He had blessed me with, and I was unsatisfied with every part of me. I was thirsting for something more...i just didn't know what that "something" was.

I went to New York to visit my sister (see my past blog), and seeing Liz and having my family altogether again helped me quite a bit. It didn't bring me closer to God, but I felt "free" in the sense that I was away from everything and I was with my parents and my sister. I left New York not wanting to go to Urbana and my attitude to go was all wrong. I figured, because it was so much money and I had already paid it all I'd just suck it up and go and see where God would take me from there.

Now that I'm back from Urbana I can honestly say that I am truly thankful that I went. I started off not wanting to go at all, but in the end I couldn't wait to come back - not because I didn't want to be at the conference anymore, but because I wanted to put into practice what I had learned, and the things that God had impressed upon my heart there.

Being with my blood family had helped me in the sense that I felt happy and secure with them, but I left New York by myself feeling alone and weary to be coming back to Toronto. But being surrounded by and worshiping with 20,000 of my brothers and sisters of Christ and being saturated with the presence of the Holy Spirit at Urbana filled up the void, and left me feeling secure in Christ, satisfied and renewed. Coming back to Toronto the second time, I'm excited to see the places in which God will lead me. I know there will be challenges that will come my way but with the help, guidance, patience and love of Our Heavenly Father, all things are possible. With regards to figuring out what i was thirsting for, I finally figured it out. "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." - Psalm 42:1 I had been searching for so long it seemed only to find that it was in front of my face the whole time. Father, thank You.

something more ::switchfoot

Augustine just woke up with a broken heart
All this time he's never been awake before
At 31 his whole world is a question mark
All this time he's never been awake before

Watching dreams that he once had
Feed the flame inside his head
In a quiet desperation of the emptiness
He says

*Chorus:
"Theres gotta be something more
Than what I'm living for
I'm crying out to you" (2x)

Augustine
All his fears keep falling out
All this time he's never been awake before
Finding out his old dreams aren't panning out
All this time he's never been awake before

But he's mad to be alive
And he's dying to be met
In a quiet desperation of the emptiness
He says*

Something more

Hey, I give it all away
Nothing I was holding back remains
Hey, I give it all away
Looking for the grace of God today*