Monday, October 30, 2017

Musings: Heart, Love, and Life

The word “heart” generally brings to mind two definitions: 1) a large and muscular internal organ that is responsible for circulating blood throughout the body by means of rhythmic dilation and contraction; and 2) the centre of a person’s thoughts and emotions. The first definition describes something physical while the other one describes something emotional so at first glance the two definitions seem to be define two entirely different thing. However if you go deeper and start really examining the heart of these two things (pun intended), you would see that their most important quality is the same: they are both vital for life.

As a hospital employee, I can definitely say that all sorts of emergencies happen in hospitals (thank you, Captain Obvious). As such, emergencies are coded by colour as a way to alert hospital staff in the most efficient way while also not freaking out any patients or families at the same time. For me, the biggest “emergency of emergencies” is the code blue which alerts staff that a patient is in cardiac arrest; This basically means that someone’s heart has stopped working properly due to malfunctioning electrical signals that control the rhythmic pumping of the heart (read: the heart can no longer pump blood effectively anymore). When this code is called, nurses and doctors will immediately run to the patient with a crash cart and attempt resetting the rhythm of the heart in order to restore its function because the consequences of a malfunctioning physical heart are fatal. No physical heart, no life.

In the same way, the emotional equivalent of the physical heart is just as essential for life. An emotional heart that is damaged, hardened, and/or even simply apathetic would result in an experience of life that is completely different from one that is healthy, empathetic, and compassionate; The former would be an experience likely full of disappointment, anger, bitterness, and resentment (which is no way to live), while the latter would likely be filled joy, kindness, and love (which is, really, the only way to really live life to its fullest). Just as a malfunctioning physical heart can be fatal, a malfunctioning emotional heart can also have the same consequence. I mean, can someone be alive but not be truly living? In my opinion, yes. This happens when someone is alive physically but with little to no quality of life which is deeply affected by one’s emotional state which is, in turn, directly impacted by one’s emotional heart. To put it simply: No emotional heart, no life.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me here - I am not saying that someone with a healthy emotional heart would never undergo any hardships, challenges, or difficulties. To say that would just be foolish and misleading and I think we all know life is full of ebbs and flows, high and lows - it’s just a fact of life. What I am saying is the way a person with a healthy emotional heart would respond to adversity is completely different from the way someone with a unhealthy emotional heart would respond.

Okay, now that that has been cleared up and the foundation of this musing has been established (both “hearts” are vital for life), we can move on and focus on the next thing: What is needed for someone to really live. Well, you need both the physical and emotional heart to be functioning well. We have already talked about what happens when the physical heart is functional but the emotional heart is not (the person would be alive but not truly living), but the flip side is equally as bad; If the physical heart is non-functional then the functional emotional heart would be pointless because that person would simply not be alive.

Why is this realization important? It brings to light the need to maintain our physical and emotional hearts to ensure that both are healthy and functional in order to have the best possible chance to live a life worth living. Furthermore, just like anything else, it takes work and energy to maintain these hearts of ours. Most people are aware of what nourishes and restores their physical heart (exercise, healthy eating, sleep, an active lifestyle) and so they now how to maintain it, but unfortunately most people (not all, but a lot) aren’t aware the emotional equivalent which results in neglected emotional hearts. In my opinion, the neglected emotional heart, more often than not, the cause of so many problems that can manifest themselves as both physical and/or mental illness.
So what nourishes and restores the emotional heart? How do we maintain it? The answer is simpler than you might think: love.

Love is what heals a damaged heart.
Love is what softens a hardened heart.
Love is what enables an apathetic heart to feel again.

Love nourishes, love restores.

Love is the life force of our emotional hearts. Love gives us the opportunity to live with a higher quality of life and live lives that are full and worth living.

But let’s take this musing one step further now, shall we? What exactly is love? Well, 1 John 4:8 says, “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” (emphasis mine.) According to the Bible, God IS love, so with this in mind let’s back up and think about the nourishment and restoration of the emotional heart with the truth of the Word.

God heals damaged hearts.

God softens hardened hearts.
God enables apathetic hearts to feel again.

God nourishes, God restores.

Oh my goodness, so what on earth does this mean?

God, Himself, IS the life force of our emotional hearts and His love, Him, alone IS the key for us to be able to truly live. He makes our lives worth it. What makes everything that much more beautiful, more profound, and even more mind-blowing is the fact that He sees us all as people who are worth it. We are worthy in His eyes and He makes it possible for us to live lives that are worthy of living; This a never-ending cycle of Love that can be such a source of comfort and strength if it is recognized as such and if we allow Love to nourish, restore, and sustain our hearts.

Heart, love, and life. These three things are so intimately and intricately connected, and God is at the centre of it all. He is truly the Sustainer of Life in more ways than I could ever imagine or recognize. Praise God.

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

I'll be seeing you

Thanks for your smiles that lit up your whole face, your laughs that filled up a room, and your cheekiness that was just so damn endearing. You were definitely one of a kind and I will miss you dearly. Love you, Yeh Yeh.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

A conversation with 3 year old K

K: *points to little bear* This is my baby.
Me: Oh, cute!
K: *points to big bear* And this is my adult. 
Me: ...

Man, I love this girl so much.

Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Septembers are for school again

Ever since graduating from OT school 6 years ago, Septembers haven't really meant much to me in terms of indicating anything. But this year, that has changed!


K started JK yesterday and a part of me still can't wrap my head around it. I remember being on my first mat leave and holding her while looking out the window at the kids across the street who were waiting for the school bus; I couldn't help but think about when she would eventually start school and join those kids across the street and even though she was literally only two months old at the time, my eyes literally started watering. True story, lol.

Fast forward 3.5 half years later and I'm the now mom of a school-aged child. I know she's only turning 4 this year, but to me it feels closer to 30.

Thursday, August 03, 2017

Kindness

I recently saw someone I knew roughly sixteen years ago from my first "real job" in high school; he had suffered a stroke and was on he unit I was providing coverage for this week. Despite the years gone by and his stroke, he was still just as lovely and kind as I remembered him being. Before leaving the hospital on my second (and last) day covering the unit, I went to see him to disclose (to him and his wife) that I actually recognized him and remembered him from my high school days (to which he said, "Oh that's what you look familiar!") It has been a couple days since I last saw him, but I'm still running through our conversation in my mind and he is still very much in my thoughts. We may have had a brief encounter, but it was full of significance (at least from my end).

The kindness he showed to me and to others in the past left an impression on me and I hope I was able to reciprocate the same kindness back to him.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Running Adventures: Sweet Ear Candy

Going for a morning run with the orchestral/electronic/soundscape awesomeness of August Wilhelmson playing in your ears of such a great way to start to off the day. If you've never heard of him or any of his music before, do yourself a favour and check him out (no running required!).

Side note: I ran 6K straight a few of months ago, pumped my fist in the air in victory, and then proceeded to stop running altogether until a couple weeks ago. Now I can barely run 2K without a serious need to take a break (which I do), but I'm detemined to get back into it. Hopefully by the end of the summer I'll be able to run at least 5K without needing to take a break again.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Secret Place

You're calling me back to the secret place,
Where there is only you and me.
Where there is stillness and oneness,
Where there is vulnerability.
You're helping me find myself again,
To view myself not as a foe but as a friend,
You're knitting me back together again.
Healing me,
Loving me,
Dwelling with me,
Redeeming me with Christ in me.
You're setting me free,
Slowly, but surely.
In the secret place.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Pain

Lean into pain
Let yourself feel it for what it is
Because only then it can be changed
Into something more
Something useful
Something you can learn from
Something that can change you
And that is when you realize
Pain is grace.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

Looking for a Saviour

These lyrics are the words on my heart as I start off this new year and the more I reflect on them the more I feel like 2017 is going to be an interesting one. I'm not sure what 'interesting' will look like or even what it could even mean at this point (and in all honesty this makes this feeling a bit terrifying), but I'll keep trusting even if it's the most difficult option.

My heart echoes the words of the father found in Mark 9: "I believe; Help my unbelief!"


I abandon my addiction to the certainty of life
and my need to know everything
This illusion cannot speak, it cannot walk with me at night
as I taste life's fragility

I am looking for a saviour I can see and know and touch
One who dwells within the midst of us
May a broken God be known within the earth beneath our feet,
Let our souls behold humility
Let our souls behold humility

When our plans become the casualties of getting through the day
and we begin to know our weakness
And denial isn't strong enough to hold our fears at bay
and we can't escape our emptiness

I see the sympathy of heaven in the earth and wind and trees
I see hope within the morning sun

I am searching for meaning
I am looking for healing
I am haunted by your reflection
I was blinded by my addictions
I am torn apart by the dying
I an giving up on escaping
Will I learn to live without taking
Will I learn to see beauty in the making

I can't pretend to know
the beginning from the end
but there's beauty in the life that's given
We may bless or we may curse
every twist and every turn
will we learn to know the joy of living