my farewell to the city that never sleeps...

and just like that, my week long trip to new york city has come to an end. *sniff* it's been a great week. i came here not really liking this city...but...now that i've been here, walked the sidewalks, viewed the buildings, taken rides on the subway, i'm relunctant to go. i'm gonna miss the bustling, the hustling, the elbowing - everything minus the filth and dirtyness of the city. :P hahaha. in any case, i never thought that i'd say this but, i'm gonna miss this city.

highlights:
- getting here safely. (i rode the plane. all by my lonesome.) haha :P
- seeing lizhead. :)
- seeing lotr III with liz
- seeing maxine, and auntie juliana
- shopping (i love the shopping here. i need to get a job. then come back.)
- squishing four of us into a little apartment
- NBC/Rockefeller Centre Tour

*sigh* it was fun. quite the fun trip. but, sadly it has come to an end. my next adventure? urbana 2003.

p.s. merry Christmas everyone. see u boogers real soon. :)

my sister, the freelance musician...

i'm so happy for you lizhead!!! :D *cheering*

i'll have to blog more another time...i have an exam in 2 hours...

but in any case, good luck on your finals everyone! or better yet...wait. what am i supposed to say again instead instead of "good luck"? God speed? bahhhh. i forgot. :P

"i'm an alien. a legal alien."

(nobody says it better than sting).

this is how i feel like sometimes. like a legal alien. like an englishman in new york. well, minus the fact that i'm not english, a guy or in new york. *technicalities, technicalities* :P

anyone wanna go away with me? maybe to fields of gold? haha. i'm so cheese. i love it.

speaking of new york, if you're reading this Liz....i'm thinking of YOU! * and listening to sting in the van in boston. and all the other silly things that happened/we did in boston this past summer. ("if you're listening whoa...*enter drums, electric guitar, bass and crazy headbanging*" hehehe.) wish i could go back. wish i could be there with you right now...can't wait until Christmas... :)

what u may not have known about loopoo town. :)

- the squirrels here are fearless. fearless.
- seagram has the BEST leaves on the sidewalk. yay crunchy! :) i LOOOOOOVE it.
- there's a new sidewalk on one side of lester
- it looks super great in fall and winter
- there are no snow flurries here. just snow storms.

today at volunteering i was standing outside in the park watching the kids, when all of a sudden i realized that my hands were numb. numb inside my mittens. they're usually cozy in there. this can only mean one thing...

who's ready for winter? :)

oh midterms...

so my week of death has officially started.
monday: skills, theory (listening)
tuesday: child developmental psychology, music history
wednesday: theory (written analysis)
thursday: paper due for intro to music therapy

oh gosh. time to go to theory. please pray for me....thanks. :)

good luck on your midterms everyone!

Already Complete.

*for the guys, just sub in the appropiate words. same message. :)*

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn`t mean you shine any less. Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can`t be topped, doesn`t stop you from being the best. Just because no one has come along to share your life,doesn`t mean that day isn`t coming. Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn`t give you permission to stop running. Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are,doesn`t mean they can affect your femininity. Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn`t mean you have to settle for a lower quality. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn`t mean you have to sink to theirs. Just because you deserve the very best there is,doesn`t mean that life is always fair. Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn`t mean that you`re not already a queen. Just because your situation doesn`t seem to be progressing right now, doesn`t mean you need to change a thing. Keep shining, Keep running, Keep hoping, Keep praying, Keep being exactly what you are already; complete.

top tens.

top 10 things essential in university:
10. calendar.
9. bright lightbulbs. none of this wimpy 40watt stuff.
8. a desk lamp that actually works properly.
7. box of cheap papermate blue pens. *i love these.*
6. posters. lots of them. cover nasty walls.
5. pictures. to cover up parts of walls that posters can't.
4. slippers. definite must.
3. toothbrush and soap/shampoo/conditioner (obvious. but easily forgotten.)
2. computer.
1. kraft dinner. *mmmmmm. :d my new best friend.*

top 10 things i miss from home:
10. showering in bare feet
9. all the lights in my room. 100watt lightbulb lights. :)
8. tv. in general. with superchannels. and tlc. (probably better we don't have tv here...) :P
7. the posters on my wall.
6. driving. so much more convenient. especially on rainy days.
5. having a washroom for myself (when liz isn't there...)
4. the rest of my warm clothes. (it's freezing up here now.)
3. grand piano. these practice room pianos suck.
2. mommy's cooking. :d
1. my room. :)

top 10 things i should be doing right now:
10. practicing piano. (maybe not. it's too late.)
9. reading.
8. reading.
7. reading.
6. being more productive.
5. reading.
4. reading.
3. reading.
2. reading.
1. reading.

oh gosh. the life of a university student. *sigh* better get to that reading. have a great day y'all...bye! :D

music for my soul...

today in my intro to music therapy class we listened to Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings and it hit me smack dab in my gut. i don't know what it was about this piece of music but it totally captured me and my attention and didn't let me go until the last note. we were told to close our eyes and just visualize mental images while the music played, and just hearing everyone's interpretations was really amazing and super cool.

there's something about music that reaches deep down inside of you - more than any words ever could. something about it that speaks to the very insides of your being. something that allows it to unleash feelings that you might not have ever realized you felt...now i'm not talking about the music you hear on the radio (although some of that stuff is pretty good) but i'm talking about the real juicy music that leaves you feeling a sense of satisfaction...

ah, music....*sigh* need i say more? :)

h a p p y one year a n n i v e r s a r y justinhead. :) *muah*

there have been ups and downs...but somehow we managed to get through it all, and in the end that's the most important bit. you're a special one...thanks for everything. couldn't have done it without you - literally. *heehee* :)

bye summer...hello autumn. :)

good grief! good bye summer! :D hahahaha. no. i'm just joking. (honest). summer this year was an interesting one. it wasn't my best summer but there were some high points.

as i look back and reflect, i guess i've learned a lot. a lot about myself - what gets me happy, down, annoyed, giddy and generally what areas of my life that need improvement.

this whole summer has been about change. and if you know me i don't really deal with change the best. everything has been changing and the end of it all everything seems different. i'm glad that through everything, God has continued to be the one constant in my life. we heard a sermon about it yesterday at church. i think that i needed to heard certain parts - thanks God.

anyway, it's so easy to want things to go back the way they were - to live in the past. but, that's not what life is about. like switchfoot so eloquently put, "yesterday is dead and over".

so *cheers* to summer, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't looking forward to autumn - it's my favourite season of the year. i loooooove it. :)

switchfoot | this is your life

yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you've broken
don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
this is your life and today is all you've got now
yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes

this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over

this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes

this is your life are you who you want to be
this is your life are you who you want to be

this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose

and you had everything to lose

hello, from boston... :)

currently: sitting in liz's office, waiting to go for dinner.

places visited:
- MFA (Museum of Fine Arts - we spent almost the whole day there. some really great stuff in there.)
- Cape Cod (beautiful...AND yummy seafood :d)
- Martha's Vineyard (looks like Stars Hollow. hahaha. nice island.)
- Boston Public Library (such great architecture such beautiful murals. it's soooo pretty in the old section.)

places yet to go:
- Boston Museum of Science
- Aquarium
- Children's museum (maybe.)
- Mystic, Connecticut

ahhhh. i'm so excited!! i'm loving this trip, Boston is great. :D and it's SOOOOOOO great to see Liz again. *yay!*

anyone miss me? hahaha...hope y'all are having fun in toronto!! :)

goodbye...for now.

this past weekend was incredible. summer conference was amazing. :D God, the creator of all things, was there - i don't think i've ever felt His presence the way that i did so strongly before. it was an incredible experience. i was really challenged by things that i heard during the sermons of Rev. Roy Sommerville. God definitely spoke to me through him. in a BIG way.

as a result i've decided to take a leave of absence from blogging...i don't know how long or how short it will be, but this wasn't a decision that i made spur of the moment. (and i do have my reasons for doing this). uhmm, so i guess for those of you who still want to know how i'm really doing, you'll just have to ask me yourself...

so until next time, keep fit and have fun. God bless.

bye!! :)

someone's twenty-one...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY j o n n i o s!! *cheering*

hope u had an awesome day!! :D

what happened to the weekend?

does anyone else ask the same question on mondays?

anyway, this past weekend was the cooking class with jo. :) it was on saturday, so i met up with stella at fairview and we stayed there for a while. and it was good times! (thrifty's is becoming like this, urban behaviour/american eagle/trying-to-be-different-and-ghetto store. how can u even try to mix ub with american eagle? it just doesn't work that way. i dunno what's going on...) so we tried to find a birthday present and we kinda did, but we're unsure if we should get it or not. mmmmm. i dunno. anyway, so afterwards we went to joanne's place where we met up with justin, david, jon and bernard, for our cooking class. let me just tell you, joanne is the best teacher chef ever! :D *thanks jo!* it was fun going to the grocery store and getting groceries (i felt so grown up! haha) and looking for bargains. :) i used this BIG sharp knife that was really scary looking. i've gotten better since the days of family studies. i would never have used it back in grade 7. but i'm alive and i still have all 10 fingers. i guess my klutziness has gotten better. hahaha. watch me walk into a door just because i said that. :P i'll have to be careful. anyway, jo taught us how to make so many things; 4 types of pasta, silky chicken, teriyaki chicken/beef and desserts. (i think that i'm may have missed some dishes...? me and stella made soooo many tarts it was crazy. yummy, but crazy. :D oh goodness, it took forever. i was sick the whole time i was at jo's place...i hope that i didn't get anyone else sick! :/

so yah! i made dinner for me and my daddy yesterday night. :) *teriyaki chicken, rice and "choi"*. and he liked it! and nobody got sick! :D oh, i'm so ready to cook at university now...but even if i'm too lazy i can just get stuff from the caf - i still have so much food money left on my meal card. hahahahaha.

but yah, this weekend as a whole was good times. friday and sunday were fun too...(yay for $3 pillows!) i'd blog but i'm too hungry! i haven't eaten lunch yet. :/ so i'll be going now. what's for lunch? KD! (doesn't this contradict my whole blog?) haha, oh well... :D

cough cough go away...

*cough* i have a cough that won't go away. just so you know. :)

so tomorrow is the last day of extension. time flies (kinda). *heehee* all of us are tired - no, dead tired. but all in all, even though at times i feel like a slave because i'm the floater and they assume that floaters don't get tired of cleaning or moving things, it's been a really good experience. my little attached girl is no longer attached to me and although it's a little sad, i know that it's for her own good. and that's what we as counsellors are really there for: to help them. they're good kids. i'm gonna miss them...

would i trade my job for another? probably not.
would i do this again next summer? probably not.

however, i'm thankful for this job (with all it's faults and all). through it, i've been stretched as a person and i've learned so much. it will be another memory i will keep in my thoughts and even though it's hard, tough and i really dislike it at times there are other times where i wouldn't want to be anywhere else. those moments make up for all the crappy moments. :) some of the kids have progressed so much it's unbelievable. they're babysteps mind you, but i've learned here in a big way that sometimes babysteps for one person, may mean milestones for another.

Bible heroes...

i find that a lot can be said about a person by who they choose (and their reason for choosing that particular person) as their favourite Bible character. usually it's someone they can relate to. someone who has felt much loneliness may choose joseph, another who is very brave and courageous may choose joshua or king david as theirs, while others who are super passionate about missions and the spreading of the gospel may choose paul...the list goes on...

as for me, i choose ruth, a loyal, hard-working, obedient, humble woman of God who i have sooooo much respect for. she was a loyal friend and daughter-in-law to naomi that she didn't leave her when many others would have. she was hard-working for she gleaned after the reapers in the field of Boaz all day without rest. obedient enough to follow and obey all of naomi's advice and instructions regarding who she should "keep close to" and boaz. but most of all she was humble enough to do all the things that i have previously said and humble enough to obey our Heavenly Father - and due to her humbleness and willingness to obey she was blessed by the Lord. eventually she became the great-grandmother of King David, and was a part of the geneology of Jesus Christ. the book of ruth is most definitely my favourite book of the Bible. and she is definitely someone i look up to, and regard very highly.

i love her story. i love ruth. she's my all-time favourite Bible character.

so, who's yours? leave me a comment. :)

to you...

thanks for the talk tonight, justin - thanks for sharing. thanks for listening.

you're the greatest. :)

music time...

side note: you should hear the kids during our music circles. so adorable.

oh mr. sun, sun, mr. golden sun
please shine down on me
oh mr. sun, sun, mr. golden sun
hiding behind a tree (i see you)
all the little children are asking you
to please come out so they can play with you
oh mr. sun, sun, mr. golden sun
please shine down on
please shine down on
please shine down on me.

maybe with a change in weather, i'll feel better. maybe.

totally exhausted.

oh man. today was a tough day at work. since i'm the floater and someone didn't come into work today, i was in charge of her one-on-one kiddie during the extension. he's such a cutie, but towards the end of the day, i was feeling totally frustrated. the kiddies at this camp all have a different routine with their one-on-one counsellor, and ideally, that routine should be followed every single day. it's what the child needs really. it works to everyone's advantage this way. however, since i'm the floater and i can't be everywhere at once, i usually stick to helping out with the lower-functioning kids (because they usually need more help - although that's not always the case). anyway, so since i haven't really spent that much time with the higher-functioning kiddies i was kinda lost as to how and what this particular counsellor did with her kid. it's nobody's fault really. but since my camper's routine was broken, my usually happy-super-behaviour camper, was a not-so-happy camper today. :( so that was bad news. especially since i wasn't used to doing one-on-one at all. there really wasn't anything i could do though. other than, try to calm him down and try to think of nice things to put on the report for his mommy. ;) it's totally wasn't his fault though (if i were him, in his shoes, i'd probably have acted the same way). it wasn't his regular one-on-one camper's fault either. and it wasn't my fault. this stuff happens. and i totally understand - it was just a little frustrating. i suppose it's one of the downfalls of being a floater. oh well, God put me in this particular position, so i suppose i'll just continue doing my best. :)

however, don't get me wrong - i enjoy working where i do. i can't see myself going back there next year (we are severely underpaid for the amount of work we put in) but all in all, i have to admit, it has been a really great experience - most of the other counsellors are pretty nice and the kiddies are so cute! :)

on a tangent...

is anyone else disappointed with the finale of For Love or Money? i personally thought that it sucked. everything about it was so stupid. stupid paige. she played the game totally wrong. she made herself too vulnerable to that guy too soon, and too openly - she totally set herself up to get hurt. stupid boy (i don't even know his name. haha). out of all the ways that he could have broken the news to paige that she had lost, he had to pick the worst one possible. i'm glad he didn't get anything. big jerk. but most stupid of all was the "twist". what the crap?!?!? this is why i think erin is stupid. i don't want to watch the sequel. stupid reality tv. stupid stupid stupid. but even stupider is the fact that i'll probably get sucked into watching at least bits and pieces of it sooner or later. argh. how disappointing. but oh well...at least the company watching it was good. :)

p.s. we should go again sometime justin - it really was enjoyable and relaxing...and i want to finish reading my harry potter. :D heehee.

september-july

here's to: talking times, good times, bad times, funny times, sad times, challenging times, encouraging times, learning times, reminiscing times and just being there for each other...

all these things (as tough or as great as they might have been) have helped us get this far. thanks for sticking with me through it all.

happy tenth! :)

day one.

my first day of "real" work is now complete! :) and i am exhausted. i woke up extra early today, because i had to be at Yes I Can at 8 15. plus walking and subwaying. so i woke up at 6 15ish. (i usually get up at 6 30...so it wasn't too bad). anyway, it was the first day with the kids! (as opposed to the training days, where it was just us counsellors). it's a totally different experience. some of the kids there are a handful. BIG handfuls. but they're all really adorable and cute - although there have been several crazy situations already. but at the end of the day Shannon (my boss) and Janet (Shannon's boss, and our BIG boss) told all us counsellors that it was the smoothest first day of camp ever...so that was nice. but yah! the kids there are crazy! soooo much energy. it's a really different experience than at YSM or TCM or any other kid thing that i've done before, but its an awesome experience (like all the others), and i'm learning a lot. (i hope that this helps me get into music therapy. :) but even if it doesn't, i'll be satisfied with this camp experience anyway). i'm tired - exhausted like i said before - but at the end of the day, i'm happy with my job. :)

pseudo drumming.

well, i'm finished day 2 of my training at Yes I Can. i'm pretty exhausted. i went from waking up at 12, to waking up at 6 30 (if i wanna shower in the morning). the people that are there are pretty nice, but sometimes it feels wierd. whatever. but i'm really glad that steph is there with me. :) i miss ysm. i compare training here with the training there, and it's different. i miss ian. the head woman person's name is shannon, and she is definitely not ian. at all. i miss the christian community centre. this place is pretty pagan. or at least some of the people are. hahaha. it's just really different. but then again, it has only been 2 days. i won't jump to any conclusions just yet.

quite honestly, i'm getting a little scared for next wednesday. (that's the first day of work). there seems to be so many things to keep in mind. we were learning about the ABCs of behaviour and whatever. forward/backward learning. hhaha...and i'm so tired i don't even take in half the stuff they talk about. but yes. i'm getting a little scared. because, each kid is so different i truly have no idea what to expect at all. AT ALL. so if y'all could please pray for me, that would be greatly appreciated. :)

oh yes. as for "pseudo drumming". so guess who's the drummer for worship next sunday...hahaha. me. hahahaahha. hahahahaha. hahahhahahahhahahahaha. i think this is funny. :) so today for worship practice tim was mentioning how there was no drummer since people are away at camp (which btw, i am going to, then leaving, then going back to). :) so completely jokingly i was like "i could play drums". well, he took me up on that offer good, and the next thing i know joanne's at the piano and i'm sitting at the drums!! aiyah!! well, there's always a first for everything. i'm not very good - i basically taught myself how to play (aside from like, 2 beats). it's funny because during the last three weeks i've been a singer, pianist and now a drummer. God is definitely pushing me out of my comfort zone. and i'll admit it's a little awkward and i'm definitely not "comforttable" (because i'm not in my comfort zone), but if God wants me to be there this sunday, that's where i'll be. and i'll give it my all. because that is what He deserves.

well, it's bedtime for me...i've been going to bed extra early lately. g'nite! :)

i own you spider solitaire. again.

i did it again! hahaha. i won spider solitaire (the hardest level) again. woohoo!!!!

i am smart. i am cool. i am tired.

okay. time for bed. g'nite. :)

post-exam rambling.

i'm done! i'm done! *yay!!!* i think i did okay, although there were some questions that i just wasn't sure about. however, there were more of them that i was sure about...so i'm thinking that's a good thing. i felt comfortable going into the exam. and i felt alright coming out. so....yah. we'll hafta see how it goes. :) *crossing fingers*

lemme see, tomorrow i've got a doctor's appointment at 11:30am and worship team practice at church at 1. i'm thinking i may be a little late for that, but i'll do my best. saturday line-ups at doctor's offices are bad news. good thing my doctor has the discovery channel on. hahaha. last time i watched a whole episode of some animal/pet show. something to look forward to on a saturday morning...maybe i'll squeeze a little sharon-shopping in? maybe. probably not. i'm just not in the mood. although i do wanna go to ikea. especially since they're having their big-mama sale these days. hmmmm....if i go to ikea i'll hafta go with mommy though. that parking lot is crazy. ehh. we'll hafta see. :P

anyway, i'm outta stuff to blog about. hahahaha. my blogs are shallow now. mmm...too bad. i guess if you really wanna know what's going on sharonworld, you'll *gasp* have to ask me yourself. :P

one more thing...good luck on your exam joshers! i'm sure you'll do great! :D

oh yah, thanks for all your prayers guys. my exam wouldn't have gone the way it did without them. :)

summer studying.

argh. my exam is tomorrow. and i need a break from studying.

the weather is so nice outside today. :/ and i'm in my room studying psychology. whee. :( since i'm not outside physically (getting a tan. ahahha. or trying to get one.) my mind has been taking trips to past summers. especially last summer - since it's the easiest to remember, because it was only last summer. i miss it. i didn't have school, i knew where i'd be going the next year, i was working - so i didn't feel so unproductive - and, did i mention i didn't have school? argh. school in summer is no good. it's so hard to concentrate. especially when it seems that everyone else isn't. my neighbour's kid is running outside in the backyard making all these noises. even highschoolers are off school now!!! i'm not really complaining, since i kinda put myself into predicament (of having to take summer school this year), but still. it really sucks. (ok. i'm complaining now.) heehee.

i remember the last time i took school in the summer. oh, the days of intro to computer studies. i had mr. koperwaz as my teacher. what a nut. he made us do stretching exercises. hahaha. what the crap? it made no sense.

oh well, i should remind myself that i am lucky to be able to even get an post-secondary education. there are far more people in the world that don't even have the opportunities that we have here in canada, and there are many in canada who aren't able to go to university, or school for that matter.

so on that note, i'm gonna go back to studying now. my exam is tomorrow from 7-9. i'll blog sometime in the future how it goes. hopefully it will go well. *crossing fingers*

wish me luck! or better yet, pray for me. :) *thanks*

can't sleep.

it's before 8am. on a saturday. but i can't sleep. why? because i have too much on my mind. and my "heart is heavy" (as nichole nordeman so eloquently put it).

what's on my mind? my growing suspicion.*

*i know my suspicion could be totally wrong, and i really hope that i am, but the fact is that it's still there. and it's growing.

open road.

i'm sitting here, but i don't really know what to say. the past week has had it's ups and downs, but i think that i managed to through it okay. i even managed to learn a rachmaninoff prelude - and while it's not really the best right now, it'll get there with perseverance and practice. :) last week was generally good...filled with eventful nights such as "meeting the other counsellors at Yes I Can", "boardgames at allis" and "lccf toronto cell group" (which was basically our whole fellowship except for the few that are in loo this summer, plus andy). heehee. not to mention watching the clue movie at my house (which, by the way i think is hilarious). ahhahaha. "i am a singing telegram". that was the best part of the movie. me and liz used to roll on the floor laughing our pants off.

speaking of liz, sunday night i talked to her, which was really good because i wasn't in the best of moods. i wish and hope that she'll come home soon. i would have probably went down to see her sometime this summer, but due to the fact that i'm paying for my online course this summer, i have no money for an airplane ticket. which really sucks. especially since the price of my course i like...equivalent of getting at least 4 or 5 round trip tickets. boooooooooooooooo. :P so in september i'll work super hard, not have to take a summer course, and hopefully i'll be able to visit my sister wherever she'll be living next year! :)

anyway, so this week was a pretty good one, because i've realized some things.
- as suspicious as i may be, i won't say anything. just yet.
- it may not be the greatest idea to let everyone in on everything.

so my blog ends here. these realizations are vague (and not entirely related to each other) but i know where i stand, i know myself, i know what i have to work on, i know what i have to do. and after all has been said and done, i feel not so boxed in, and quite content. :)

okay, off to study for my psych midterm which is coming up soon...

have a blessed day. :)

september-june

happy ninth. :)

storytime...

Once upon a time there was a piece of pie with no brain. one day this just-pie-no-brain was walking through the woods when out popped mr. who-flung-poo-brown-speck-on-the-wall from behind a tree. he started throwing grapes at the poor piece of pie. the pie yelped and started running for dear life. mr. who-flung-poo-brown-speck-on-the-wall started chasing the pie with his fast, muscley legs (perfect for playing the organ), meanwhile still throwing grapes at the piece of pie. since pie had no brain, it naturally ran faster because it was lighter, so after awhile mr. who-flung-poo-brown-spot-on-the-wall realized that chasing pie was a waste of time, so he stopped and started walking, enjoying the beautiful landscaping of the woods. suddenly, a boogieman jumped at poor mr. who-flung-poo and punched him in the face. then following the trail of grapes (left by mr. who-flung-poo when he was chasing pie) boogieman found pie and...eventually ate him.

moral of the story: i have yet to come up with something witty to put here.

i miss you liz. hope this one made you laugh. :)

my eyeballs are itchy...

hmmm. nothing really much happening over here. it's just the usual. bumming around. being lazy. and i love it. although sometimes it gets a little boring. ) the beginning of the week was kinda ugly, but i'm glad those things got cleared up. thanks to the people (allibobo and james) who helped me through it. for the 5hr-long-phoneconversations, the talks, the blog...the friendship. thanks guys. :) and thanks to the person who forgave me and came over even when i was difficult - justin. thanks you. :)

okay. enough of that. hmmm...i ate with my grandma today, and i had a super yummy dinner!!! and vanilla ice cream for dessert. :d i need to improve my eating habits. dinner was pretty much the only thing i ate today. and lately i haven't really been eating that great. maybe that's why my tummy has been feeling a little on the peculiar side...

anyway, yesterday i went for a jog. and i must say that i'm probably one of the most unfit people i have ever come across. hahaha. hopefully i'll stick to it and continue doing it throughout my break. that would be good. i need it. i need to get at least somewhat into shape. i'm starting to have a belly. :P heehee. i also vacuumed the house yesterday and studied for almost 2 hours. i felt so productive. :)

as for the title of this blog, my eyeballs have been really itchy these past couple of days. i'm not sure why. but *itch* i seem to always be scratching them. or wanting to. perhaps it's due to my lack of blinking, causing my eyes to be too dry. (my old optometrist gave me a brochure once on how to blink properly. yah. i threw that away). i dunno what it is, but it's really *rub* starting to get annoying. :P

campus challenge 2003...

so a while has passed, but it seems like everything i learned from CC is still so fresh in my mind. i went in not really having that many expectations about the weekend. actually the only expectation i had, (if it was indeed, an expectation), was that i thought it would be a TC for university students. it truly wasn't like that at all for me. i learned so much about myself this weekend, through the small group times, the bedside fellowships, the bible studies, the devotions, the sermons...i discovered things that i never wanted to admit to anyone (even myself) before...

i was humbled this weekend. in a way impossible without God. and for that most of all, i'm most thankful.

When i think about the Lord
How He saved me
How He raised me
How He filled me up with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost

When I think about the Lord
How He picked me up and turned me around
And set my feet on solid ground

It makes me want to shout
Hallelujiah
Thank You Jesus
Lord You're worthy of all of the glory
All the honor
All the praises

i have sooooo much to say about campus challenge. :)

update coming soon....(and yes james. i know i'm copying you. :P) hhehehehe

we'll work through this. no matter what, it's in God's hands.

all of my ambitions hopes and plans
i surrender these into Your hands.
For it's only in Your will that i am free
For it's only in Your will that i am free.

*hugs*

those hugs up there are for you. why? cause i feel like it. (see how lucky you are? i even gave you more than one...heehee.) i would put a *muah*, but nobody wants to see that. this is a family-friendly website. G-rated. no mushiness here. hahhahahaha :) *muah* heehee...i'm so sneaky. :)

happy mother's day, mommy. :)

how fitting. a day just for mommy! my mom has definitely deserved this day. she cleaned up my poo. i mean c'mon. not to mention all the other stuff that she does now...i could get much more into this, but i don't want to be sappy. :P

so if you haven't done it yet today, go show your mom a little appreciation, with a hug and/or a kiss, a phonecall, a note....anything! to let your mom know how much you treasure her. :)

sharontimes...

what sharon has been doing ever since summer began:

- watching soooo much TLC. i love it.
- bumming around.
- reading the psych book.
- listening to the yellowjackets like crazy.*
- thinking.**

* my absolute favourite jazz group. ever since i got back to TO i haven't really listened to anything else. other than 91.1fm in the car (when i'm driving) and some radio stuff when i'm in other people's car, or too lazy to get my cds from my room. dunno how russell ferrante plays the piano so good. oh baby. i wanna play like him. just like him. crazily blessed. ahhhhhhhhhhh. *drool* he's my hero. my piano hero. ooh! and they just came out with a new CD. i want.... :)

** thinking about everything and anything. reflecting. reevaluating. rethinking.

outta the blue...

so i got a call from my friend today - steph wong! from german mills! hahaha. good talking times. it's been a while. i haven't seen her in like....1-2yrs. we're gonna go visit my grade 8 teacher sometime this week. he was the b e s t. seriously, he was probably one of my (if not, my) favourite teachers - ever. he was great. a really cool guy. oh that mr reber. oh the good memories of elementary school. :) we'll be going with Hissey too. *sorry. andrew.* :P it'll be a little 8R reunion. hahaha

anyway, it turns out that steph and me are gonna be working together during the summer!! we're both gonna be working at Yes I Can. that was HUGE suprise. a good one. ahhha. it's gonna be crazy this summer. i'm really looking forward to it. it'll be a really good experience. :)

so yah! that was my big outta the blue thing that happened today. that really made my day. oh that crazy steph...

good sonny and cher times. haha. :P

sept-may

happy 8 months justin. :)

everybody loves an ETCBCer...hehehe

who are all those cool people? :)

yay ETCBC.

oh, thanks james. i kinda just stole this off your site. muahhaha

from top left clockwise: me, ed, alli, velsie, uge, justin, adrienne, steph and james, who's SMACK DAB in the middle.

we are so cool. hahaha :)

all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go...

and thus ends my year as a froshie. as i look back upon my first year of university, i smile. sure, at times things have been really tough, but in the end those times have made me stronger. my education has *supposedly* made me smarter *haha. rite. :P* and hopefully my experiences have made me wiser. i look around my room and i've packed up everything. i've cleaned the floor. the only thing left is my computer. so i blogged. one last time, in my dorm here at Waterloo College Hall. oh room 329. you'll always be mine.

that sounded like cheese. ahahhaha.

future froshies - you'll have a good time. :)

so empty...

wow. as i come back to waterloo college hall to prepare for my final exam i look around and it's pretty empty. VERY empty. it's sad. i walked down the hall today to see who was left. there are like..5 people on my floor now. just 5. and they're pretty much all leaving before me tomorrow too. *except for maybe one of them* boooooooooo.

i kinda wished that all my exams were done before, so i wouldn't have to see res so empty. i totally get what you're saying erica. it's sad. very sad. i even wish that the roach guy upstairs with the loud music was here. and that music is annoying.

well. one more exam to go.

24.5hrs left and counting...

*achooooooo*

hmmm. i seem to have been sneezing all day. but it only gets really bad when i'm studying for my music history exam. hmmmmm...

my conclusion: i must be allergic to music history.

(...or the dustballs in my room. hehehehe) :P

ok. back to studying i go. bye. :)

"...that they may be one, just as You and I are one..." - Jesus

i read john 17 yesterday before i went to sleep (it being the night before good friday at all). as i reflected on the passage that i wrote and the events of good friday, i tried to imagine all the different emotions and thoughts that must have been racing through Jesus' head. even though he was fully God, he was still fully human as well. fear? hurt? anxiety? anxiousness? probably. but the thing that really hit home was the fact that he must have felt so alone. completely and utterly alone.

as he spread himself out in the garden of Gethsemane and cried out to God, he must have felt alone.
as he spread himself out on the Cross of Calvary, he was alone.

His last prayer (as recorded in john 17) was for us - "all believers". we were on his mind, even when he knew the events that he was just about to encounter. He prayed that we would be one, just as he and his father were one. many people probably think that Jesus prayed that all Christians would be united with each other as one, but i think that this "oneness" can be taken one step further. you see, i think that Jesus may have been talking about us (the believers) obtaining a oneness with God, much like the one that Jesus had with His father. God was on Jesus' mind 24/7. Jesus talked to God constantly, and came to Him for anything and everything. and it is only through Jesus Christ that a relationship/ a oneness like this can happen.

Jesus went to the cross and died alone, so we - as believers - could experience and live a life where we would never be alone.

oh, how i love you Jesus.

I love Thee because Thou has first loved me,
And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

some things just...change.

funny how people come in and out of your life. where there used to be many deep conversations, there are now uncomfortable silences. all over the course of 8 months....

things just aren't the same.

psych exam...done.

well...today was my psych exam. i woke up at around 5:30am in order to continue studying - since i was too tired to the night before. i think that the exam went okay. i know most of them...but there some that i wasn't sure of at all. but generally it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. anyway, after my exam in the morning things were GREAT. :) sooooo relaxed. (maybe a little too relaxed - considering my theory exam in on thurs). hehehe. oops. but anyhow, i napped for a good 4 hours and yah, i basically just did nothing the rest of the afternoon. ahhaha. then we went to the library to - initially - study, but me and justin got there a little later than expected and ended up arriving on the 7th floor as kary and amy were leaving. hhahaha. whoops again. so we headed over to kary's place to wrap up erica's birthday present, and then we hurried over to anita's place for erica's surprise party. *yummmmmmmmy sushi platters* :) yah...that was really nice. we played *the infamous* mafia, and charades, ahha. it's been a loong time since i've played that. it was basically a good time just to spend with friends. :) it was also probably one of the last time i'd see anita for a long time. :( *if you're reading this anita* i'm gonna miss you TONS. honestly. thanks for e v e r y t h i n g. you're the SUPEREST. well...that's pretty much the day that i had...it was fun. *excluding the exam in the morning*. but meh! after this, i only have two more to go! :)

p.s. oh. and for some reason, my template is back. james, did you do something? well whatever happened...it's back. and this is a good thing.

p.p.s.

happy t w e n t i e t h erica!!!! :)

btw. what the heck happened to my template thing? i dunno if this has happened to any of u guys...but all of a sudden....my old old template is back. and this template (the one that you're looking at)..is gone. mama nooooo. i don't wanna do all this stuff over again for this template. oh my goodness. what the crap happened? anybody know?

piano jury....done.

yay! my piano jury is done! thanks to rani and james for their prayers - and anyone else who prayed too...it's very much appreciated! :) i had some slips during my pieces but i managed to get through without stopping. my teacher was smiling at me - so i took it as a good sign. :P they also asked if i wanted to be considered for the piano performance program at laurier. (this basically means that instead of a 60min lesson, i'll be getting a 90min lesson). i decided to keep my options open and opt for that choice. they said that i would be able to withdraw from it at anytime and go back to my regular 60min lesson if my workload got too much - which it might, because the workload for potential music therapy students in second year is a lot!!! ahhh. (i'm scared elaine!) :) oh well. i'm confident that God will show me the path He has for me...i just gotta trust. and listen. :)

anyway. i have a psych exam tomorrow, a theory exam on thurs and a music history exam on the 29th. so...i'd better get back to studying. :) that's the update so far. once again...thanks for all your prayers...it means a lot. :) good luck on all your exams too! bye!

.

i couldn't think of a title. :P hehehehe

oh gosh. it's exam time. and for the past two days, i've studied psych for a whole total of like..10 mins. ahhaha. i'm so dead. yes. better study tomorrow. as well as practice piano. ahhhhhh. i'm starting to get scared for my piano jury (which is on monday). and to top it all off, i'm all sore from playing hockey. *ouchiwawa* yesterday i swear my fingers were swollen. swollen and blue (from the hockey stick. not the cold.) hahaha. it was strange. for a while i had chunky man hands. wierdness. but then again it was pretty late, so it might have just been me. :P

i've realized that i have an attention span that spontaneously changes on me. some days i'll be able to study hours on end, but other days it's just such a struggle. *sigh* same with other things. some days i can sit at the piano and practice diligently, but other days when i sit there, i can't even play my pieces. this kinda thing better not happen at my piano jury. they'd be like..."okay, next piece please", and i'd be like. "i'm borrrrrrred." and then just walk out. u see how this may be a little problematic? :P bad news.

anyway, it's getting a little late and i have church tomorrow....so now it's time to say goodbye. to all thy company (--> that would be you. and yes. i used to watch the Mickey Mouse Club. so what? :P) okay...so good night! :)

take that spider solitaire.

so guess what everyone! :) you know that impossible level on spider solitaire? the one with the 4 suites that is like..impossible to pass? today....i passed it! hahaha....what a great feeling. i didn't think it was possible...but it is...and i did it! :) even ask justin. i have a witness. i was gonna put up a picture of the screen when i won but i thought that would be a litle excessive. *actually, the file was too big and it woulda taken forever to load*. yessss! call me a geek....i couldn't care less. because the fact of the matter is....i finished spider solitaire.

i own you spider solitaire. i OWN you.

okay, have a great day. :)

blood is thicker than water.

tuesday nights are the nights when i talk to me sister on the telephone, and yesterday was no exception. i think we must have talked for almost 3 hours...don't wanna see the long distance bill. :P but anyway, we talked about a lot of stuff and somehow the topic of our family came up. i didn't really realize it when i was younger, but as i've grown up (and matured - hopefully :P haha) i've come to really appreciate my family and everything that they've done for me in the past. and especially now that i'm away from home at university...i appreciate them all the more. so...that's why i've decided to dedicate this blog entry to a certain group of people in my life who have made lasting impacts on me and have helped shape me to be the person i am today - my family. :)

i can sit here and list all the things that each one of you have done for me - but then the list go on forever. but i can honestly say that i feel so blessed to be a part of this family. even after you've seen all the different sides of me, you've all continued to love me anyway - encouraging me to do the best that i can do, and to be the best that i can be. i have a connection with each one of you, that is so special and important to me. something that can never be broken. what can i say? you guys are blood. *no, not literally. eww.* :P

i've realized through the years that families are special. not only in the fact that you're stuck with one another for life, but the fact that friends will always come in and out of one's life (that's just the way it works.) - but families will always be there. so to daddy, mommy and liz - i love you guys.

love the baby of the family, me. :)

gloria.

i originally had a picture here of jin, gloria and myself (the original slacker crew. hahaha), but for some reason it wouldn't work.
gloria is someone that i've grown up with. she's honestly one of the most hilarious and intellectual people i know. when she was in toronto she always managed to make me smile and laugh - no matter how cruddy of a mood i was in. during sunday school, she never really said much, but when she did it was always something really thoughful and something worth listening to. we've had many great funny memories over the years... :) such fun times...but like everyone else, gloria has a serious side as well.

since we grew up together, we've seen each other in pretty much all emotional states. we've seen each other happy, sad, angry, hurt, silly, serious and scared. we've laughed together and we've cried together...and even though there's a big physical distance between us (she's studies in vancouver, bc while i'm here in waterloo) we still manage to keep in touch and share our experiences with one another. and i guess that's where i'm going with this blog. i'm asking you to please pray for gloria.

for almost a year, gloria has been struggling with vasculitis. it's basically a disease where the blood vessels in her legs have become inflammed and have left red marks on her legs. it started as a small red spot on one leg and has slowly spread to the rest of her lower leg, portions of her upper leg and her other leg, as well as parts of her hand. as a result she's had to go to many doctors and ever since they have been able to diagnose her disease after many tests (the disease being vasculitis) she has been on medication to help stop the disease from spreading to the rest of her body. this medication has had some serious side effects on her physically as well as emotionally. also, this past weekend she was admitted into the ER at a hospital there because she was feeling pain in her chest and couldn't breath too well. this turned out to be a viral infection in her lungs, which was caused by one of the side effects of her medication - the suppression of her immune system.

so once again, i'm asking you to please pray for gloria. she needs it. i'm so proud of her for making it this far, and having such a firm grasp on her faith in all of this - even though at times things seem really rough. i'm really proud of her for being so strong and independent (she's an independent wuh-man...like jin says...hehehe) through everything - and never ceasing to turn to God and relying on Him to be her ultimate source of strength. i ask that you'll pray for her as she continues to cope with this disease. she told me that she doesn't think that it will ever go away, so please pray that she'll be able to adjust her lifestyle. pray that she'll remain strong spiritually. pray that physically she will be protected - especially since her immune system is down as a side effect of her medication making her succeptible to all the germs that are out there. pray that she'll know that she's never alone no matter where she is. pray that she'll be able to feel God's arms enveloping her, and His love all around her. pray that she would see the big picture - even when everything seems so hard and confusing at times.

simply pray for God's will to be done through this. pray that God will reveal His plan in His time.

i pray that God will continue to bless you in the way that He has, and will continue to strengthen you and mold you to be the woman of God He planned you to be. one day you'll be able to look back on this, and things will make more sense then they do now. thanks for sharing everything with me. take care. i love you gloria. :)

back to reality.

this weekend has been quite the great one. :) it all started off with a snow day on friday...i haven't had a snow day where school was closed in a loooooong time. so it was really fun. classes were cancelled, and everyone was just really relaxed, and having a good time - which was good....considering exams are right around the corner. anyway, so justin, amy and i went to clinton's house and we watched "spaceballs". it was really funny. ahhaha. dark helmet. good ol 80s movies. hahha. it was some funny stuff. btw, thanks clinton for letting us come over...it was really fun. and i had a really great time. anyway, then it was off to the pita shack for dinner, then to rani's place. that was really good. basically almost everyone from lccf was at rani's house and it was great! we played guesstures and mafia - and although we never played "the game of life" (don't worry kary, next time....next time....hehe) it was really fun. then we watched evie's grease lightening video from a talent show she was in for her high school and yah! we ended up leaving rani's really late, but i had such a great time. yay bonding times! we should definitely do stuff like this more often. :) saturday was the day of the WLU choir concert. we sang two songs in total - one song by stravinsky and another by carl orff. the stravinsky song sounded pretty....wierd. but that's stravinsky's fault. ahhaha. what a crazy head composer. his stuff is a little too modern and harsh sounding for me. way to dissonant. but the second song by carl orff (Carmina Burana) was really good in my opinion and the audience seemed to like it a lot. haha. i guess loud loud music is the way to go. :P Amy played it really really well. :) *sigh* it's nice to be done with choir though. very nice. :) then we went to timeless for dinner and that was nice too...just chillin with some people, having good times. then came sunday (today) and that went really well too. the sermon talked about loving like Jesus and how it's essential in our lives to love, for without it, anything we do is nothing. it was pretty good. :) then we went out for lunch (it was jon, alli, justin, me - the original circle. hahaha. it's been a while. :) along with evie and alex.) it was a good time of just talking and laughing and stuff. :) then i came home and took a long awaited nap. oh my. so nice. then we had dinner (gotta love pizza) and then it was off to the library to study - where we met up with alex and evie again. then we came back to WCH where we met up with amy and watched movies. hahaha. we started watching Battle Royale. but it was too gory for our liking, so we watched rat race instead. and that brings me to...now. hahaha

that was my update. *phew* so now the weekend is over and tomorrow is monday. back to reality. i need to study so much stuff before my exams and i need to practice piano for my jury. ahhhhhhh. so much stuff to do!!! :( but at least i had fun before the madness really begins...hope everyone had a great snow day, weekend and day today. hehe. good luck in all your exams. g'nite! :)

it's snowing...?

wow. i look outside and waterloo is once again covered with a layer of snow and ice. it's pretty bad outside. in fact, school is closed.

can u believe that? a snow day. in april. and it's supposed to be spring...

hehhe. God's funny. :)

sept-april

to you: happy seventh - thanks for holding my hand for so long. :)

laurier chinese christian fellowship.

just a side note:
<-- why is there a big gap here? how do i get rid of it? and who does it think it is?!?!?! :P

so tonight was the last night of LCCF for this school year. i didn't really have a chance to go last term (night classes on wednesdays) but i'm really glad that my schedule worked out this term so i could attend. :) it was a really great experience - it was a good time of fellowship. we had a sharing night....and it was great! it lasted really long...i think we ended sharing at like...11:30 or something like that. it was awesome. even people who came for the first time to LCCF shared. it was amazing. :) really good. it felt like we bonded more tonight. too bad it was the last one of the year. although i'm really looking forward to next year. feels like God's has great things in store for lccf. :) but although we have next year to look forward to, i'm still gonna miss the grads next year... :(

here's to: anita, elaine, grace and ken. you guys will be missed. thanks for everything. :)

oh and congratulations elaine and ken on their engagement! :)

the university life...

it's not remotely similar to anything on TV. shows like "undeclared" and "felicity" totally decieve you.

BUT...

it's still alright. :)

so i did my laundry today up here in loo. ahaha. my first time all year. and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. yay for clean clothes :) i put everything into one load because i was too lazy to sort stuff...so when i took out some pieces of clothing from the dryer, there were little color stains. ask amy, she was there - laughing at my reactions. heheheh. it was fun. :) (well...as fun as doing laundry can be). but it's quite a different experience - doing laundry in a res as opposed to the comfort of your own home. but i guess that's the wierd part. as crazy as this may sound...i think that i'm gonna somewhat miss this place next year. i won't necessarily miss all the annoying boys that live in 3W or the constant ringing of the elevator or the screams that sometimes occur at 4 in the morning....but i'll look back on my days here, and i'll be able to smile. :) it's gonna be wierd, living across the street looking at the residence as opposed to looking out from it. don't get me wrong tho - i'm still totally looking forward to next year

but still...i think i'll miss my froshie days too when it's all over...i think we all will...and i think everyone does.

the old man is snoring.

it's raining again...it was pouring earlier...

this is the weather we've been having in waterloo. on and off periods of pouring rain, drizzle, sunshine, and cloudiness. i think that the weather and clouds are confused. poor clouds.

tonight for dinner i went to Mr. Sushi with erica - thanks for dinner! heehee...they expanded mr sushi and it looks really nice now - as opposed to kinda ghetto before. yummy sushi. :d then i went to uwccf - it was pretty good. it was basically a night of sharing...so even though i don't really know a lot of people from that fellowship (i go to lccf) it was nice hearing people share memories and their testimony and stuff. afterwards we loitered yet again. haha...it's so ridiculous. it ended around 9:30ish...and i was there until like....11:30. :) but oh well. i got a chance to talk to some people and sing some worship songs (because some people were jamming). i had a pretty good time...afterwards erica, tiff, dawn and i went to have some bubble tea. and it was pretty good times....yay connect four!

so i'm in loo this weekend - i think the next i'm going home is easter. hahaha. everyone should be so proud. this is a record number of weeks i'll be here consecutively...hahah. i think it's about 6 weeks. i'm going to be doing my laundry with amy tomorrow (sat). i went to go look at the laundry machines today, and it's like....so idiot-proof. the washing maching i have at home is much more complicated. haahha. idiot-proof washing machines and dryers. ahhaha. it's funny. *sigh* okay not really. i find humour in the little things in life. :P

oops. i digress again.

so i'm in loo, and justin went back to TO for the weekend...hope that you're having a great time in TO. :)

good fun times... :)

tonight was a good night. :) i got home around 3:15ish. it all started off with LCCF (laurier chinese christian fellowship). it was a book discussion on mere christianity, and it was alright. some of it was little hard to understand (them crazy brits...heehee) but cs lewis is quite the good writer - many useful and deep analogies that helped make his point a little clearer.

anyway, so after fellowship we loitered around A222 for a bit. that's the thing with CCF. the loitering that takes place after fellowship has ended is sooooooo long. it's ridiculous. but fun. hehehe. :) so after the 1234098754 minutes of loitering, a some of us went to pizza nova to grab something to eat. (justin, me, rani, jon, clinton, rob and dan). when we got the pizzas we decided to head over to clinton/rob's place to just chill eat and talk. and that was good. :) (i saw a potato bug there - i ran away. hehehehe) so we stayed there for quite some time just talking w/ each other - we talked about a whole bunch of stuff - and we ended up leaving their place at around 1ish. then we dropped dan off who just happens to live practically beside anita. so we found anita's apartment window and threw snowballs at it. hahaha. so funny. but we actually didn't catch her attention, so we found anita's bedroom window and started throwing snowballs at it too. ehehehehe. we finally caught her attention, and anita and euming invited us up to their place so we went up and just talked w/ them there. nice people. i like them. :) hahaha. mike's doggy was there too, and he has to be one of the laziest dogs ever. but soooo cute. and so well behaved. and very hungry. :) so i guess we were getting a little loud, because then there was knocking on the wall and then their neighbour came and told us to quiet down. which was kinda strange, because we weren't even really loud in the first place. oh well. :P so yah! we ended up leaving her place at around 3:10ish. and it was a fun night. ahhahaha.

this blog didn't really make a lot of sense, because i'm at a point where i don't even know what's going on anymore. but i decided to blog about the fun times anyway. ahhaha. so sleepy. ok, time for bed. :) g'nite!

faith.

"well i will walk by faith
even when i cannot see
because this broken road
prepares Your will for me." - jeremy camp

these lyrics have just been going through my head tonight. all night long. i wasn't even gonna blog, i was just gonna go to bed...but these words wouldn't leave my head.

ForgettingAllITrustHim - i didn't really get this acronym when i first heard it. It was something that Steve Hawkins told us in one of his sermons during ETCBC Summer Conference 1993. i was 9 (i'm an octobaby) and i'm 19 now, but it's something that has stuck with me over the years and as i grew up, matured as a person and gained more life experiences (some good, some bad) i started to understand the whole concept of blind faith. i've had to continually put my trust in the one and only constant in my life - God.

so this is what i want. my faith to be strengthened. i want to be renewed in Christ, because lately, i have been feeling as though my spiritual life has been at a standstill. i want to please my Heavenly Father. i want to believe and trust in the one who deserves all the glory and honour forever and ever...

i want to walk by faith.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...and without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." - Hebrews 11:1,6

screw you music history.

okay. just a sidenote, this is my little rant of the day. :)

i'm finally done my history paper, after slaving away researching for and writing this essay for the whole weekend and working on it like a maniac. hahaha. :P i think this is the longest that i've ever taken to write an essay. but yah. anyway. SO...the guidelines are sooooo specific for this. too specific. all the footnotes have to be done a certain way. the bibliography has to look just like the example in the stupid little booklet that costed some ridiculous amount of money for what you actually get. the sad thing? i'm not even fully done yet. does anyone know how to put together an appendix? because i'm lost. and i've asked people, and they're all lost too. the essay itself is supposed to be 10-12 pages long. now, i know some of you might be thinking "10 pages? that's it?!?! that's nothing!" well. in those 10 pages i've had to analyse 6 pieces by hildegard von bingen, give a little bio, give a little historical background thing...and yah. analysing music is the worst. especially when everything sounds the same. and the scores that you actually find don't have recordings - so you basically don't have any idea what the piece sounds like. argh. stupid wlu library with the unhelpful people at the front desk. anyway, so my essay is about 10 pages long. plus one more page for the bibliography. and another one for the table of contents - which by the way is supposed to be done, NOT by page numbers, but by the paragraph numbers. what the crap?! so messed up. hmmm..then on top of that there's the musical scores and the text/translations which make up the appendix. so we're talking about maybe, 30 pages in total...or more. some scores are a few pages long...and i have scores to like...6 pieces on HIldegard of Bingen (which is what my paper is on - her musical works). see, that usually wouldn't be too bad, only for the fact that in the guidelines my teacher specified that there's no folders allowed. no binding allowed. no duotangs allowed. not even paperclips are allowed. so how are we supposed to put everything together? one fricking staple. ONE STAPLE!!! how are you supposed to put all those papers together with ONE STAPLE?!?!?! ahhhhhh! my teacher drives me nuts! she doesn't think!!! oh well. and tomorrow before noon i get to go see my teacher to hand in my essay.

my teacher's really a nice person...i just don't really like her right now. her or her guidelines. or her one staple craziness. :P

oh. sorry bout this rant. these are just feelings that have accumulated over the course of the past few days as i worked my butt off for this essay. :)

oh how we break His heart.

after roaming for a while the King decides to take seat on His heavenly throne and turns his gaze towards earth. what does He see? He sees the sky being cluttered with fighter jets on missions to cause destruction in another part of the world. He sees the seas not only containing His fish and sea life, but submarines with similar missions. He sees the dry ground being bombed and vegetation being destroyed. He sees the stars of the night being blocked by clouds of dust and smoke from explosion after explosion. He sees the animals that roam on land being frightened and running away for cover - and for those who just aren't quick enough, He sees them being killed. but what really hurts the King is seeing man, whom He made in his own image, at war with each other.

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'" - Genesis 1:26

we may have ruled over other creatures but i think that we've definitely disappointed our Creator in how we did.

it hasn't even been 24 hours since the war in iraq started and already so much destruction has occured. and to think, this is only the beginning...

they say "God Bless America", but what about the rest of the world? i think we all need it. all nations. all people. all individuals.

i don't really know that much about this subject, but from what i hear and read, this is what i've concluded - we're breaking God's heart.

oh crappity crap crap.

so i found out today that i have a psych test tomorrow. t o m o r r o w. this could be problematic. it's on chapters 13-14 & 18. oh my. i dunno how i'm gonna pull this one off. i haven't even read anything. maybe i'll retake it through distance ed in the summer if i need to. i just need to maintain at least a B- in that course. *it's a requirement for music therapy*. i was talking to my friend today (who also wants to go into therapy) and she's getting about the same grade as i am. but i was talking to tammy and she said that my grades were secondary to the actual audition - although they're important all the same. oh goodness. i've really gotta stop slacking...

hmmm...so on monday on my way to women's cell i ran into this guy from my elementary school - German Mills Public School/Bayview Glen Public School. we went to the same school from grade 1-8. totally outta the blue...it was really cool. :) so we're gonna meet up sometime tomorrow for dinner i think...but really, what are the odds that you'd run into someone you grew up with but haven't seen for like...5/6 years? crazy...

anyway, probably should get started on my psych reading...wish me luck :)

currently: listening to jars of clay - the eleventh hour

i don't know why, but ever since my last blog i've been thinking about BC a lot. like...A LOT. and i've been getting really excited every time i think of that province. it's really strange. i'm seriously thinking that after i've graduated, God may want me to move there or something like that. i dunno. we'll hafta see. i'm only a froshie. we'll see where He takes me and where He doesn't take me. :)

anyway, i did all my course selection stuff and handed everything thing. so that's done. *phew* so i basically spent the afternoon running around between the science building and the music building trying to get everything sorted out and get approvals and signatures needed. glad that's over. :) and my schedule is pretty much set. i'm taking guitar techniques next year. :) i'm excited! and i'm looking forward to the introductory music therapy course - that way when people ask what it is, i'll be able to give them a better answer than my usual, "uhmmmm...it's therapying people music". :P hahaha. it just doesn't seem adequate enough...

OOOH!! i pretty much have a job in the summer. :) i'll be working at a summer camp called "Yes I Can". i'm really looking forward to it. :) Yes I Can is pretty much a government funded camp where 80% of the kids there are mentally handicapped. the age group goes from 2.5-6 yrs old. it just so happens that they were looking for someone with music background...so part of my job would be to lead a music circle (or something rather) and teaching really simple songs to the kids! (which they'd provide me with). so it runs from the end of june (i get a week of training) to the beginning/middle of august. and while i'm not necessarily getting paid the biggest amount of money, i'll be gaining experience which i think is worth a lot more. i'm really excited about this :) God is amazing - His timing is perfect.

He is perfect. :)

God of Wonders.

i love this song.

it brings back memories of YWAM and my missions trip to Victoria BC - where we got the privilege of spending time and ministering to the first nations people. :) i remember being in training in Vancouver and learning this song for the very first time. it was awesome. being in that room, surrounding by brothers and sisters in Christ from other parts of Canada and the States and just being united in prayer and worship. i remember the silent service. it was something alright. we went into the room where we did our worship and meetings and stuff and we were told not to say a word. the workers had set up a cross in the front of the room, and draped a red cloth over the two "arms". God of Wonders was actually the first song to be played during that service. it was really...something that i can't even begin to describe. a very memorable moment. the whole missions trip was memorable...but that was definitely an event that will stick out and be engraved in my mind forever. i also remember that when i came home from BC i happened to pick up my City on a Hill CD. the very first song was God of Wonders and it was the same version that they had played during the silent service. i remember standing there in my living room, listening to my CD and just being so overwhelmed - i leaned on our piano and started to cry. i didn't know what else to do. i loved every minute of Victoria and Vancouver. it was an awesome experience in all aspects.

i actually haven't thought of BC in a long time. i think of the province every so often (when i hear that people are from it) but i haven't really thought of the kids there for a while. or the people of the Pacheedaht tribe. i'm going to pray for them tonight. i remember my heart breaking for them when i boarded the plane to fly back to Toronto. i couldn't stop crying as we departed from Vancouver. it was wierd. so much potential in those kids...i couldn't stop thinking about them when i arrived here. i couldn't stop thinking how fortunate i was to be where i was and it took time to adjust (there was more of a culture shock coming back here, then going there) but things eventually went back to the way they were and just like that, things were back to normal. it's sad. how one can be so impacted by something one minute and then the next, they forget.

all these memories coming back because of one song. thank You Lord, for helping me remember once again.

Lord of all creation
of water earth and sky
heavens are Your tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on High

God of Wonders beyond our galaxy,
You are Holy, holy
the universe declares You majesty
You are Holy, Holy
Lord of Heaven and Earth
Lord of Heaven and Earth

Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
and when I stumble in the darkness
I will call Your name by night

Hallelujiah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth
Hallelujiah, to the Lord of Heaven and Earth

omg...

STOP RINGING THE FRICKIN EMERGENCY ELEVATOR BELL!!!!!!

some people in this res building have been doing it all week. at like...stupid times of the day. for example....now. people are trying to sleep. *rolling eyes* i swear, some of the stupidest and most inconsiderate people live here. so clueless. i wouldn't be suprised if they fell down the elevator shaft. there they go again. honestly. they're gonna get beat up in the real world.

oh, there they go yet again. good grief people - grow up.

not again...

it's almost three in the morning and the fire alarm just went off. stupid waterloo college hall. they said only one fire alarm in september. this is the third one in the last two weeks, and there have been at least like...5 the whole year - which isn't a lot, but still. liars. big fat liars. i hope their pants catch on fire on a telephone wire. hmph. fire alarm? screw that. i'm going to bed. :P g'nite!

one minute too late...

i showered for too long. :(

the birthday of one of the most important people in my life is march 13th. she has been there from day one. literally. she's clothed me, fed me, bathed me, and cleaned up my barf and poo. :) heehee. she is like no other. never hesitating to help me. never ceasing to love me...

i love you mommy.

happy birthday [o3.13.o3]. :)

update: praise God!!!! she's okay!!! :) *phew* thank you Lord!

God was there...

He was there at fellowship (LcCF) tonight.
He was there in the beginning.
He was there as people trickled in.
He was there through the worship.
He was there when my friend went through something wierd.
He was there as helplessly i watched her eyes roll to the back of her head.
He was there as i heard her saying she couldn't move.
He was there as i just sat there in shock not knowing what to do.
He was there as a sister in Christ came and knew exactly what to do.
He was there as they lifted her in her chair and carried her out of the room.
He was there as everyone else prayed.
He was there when the ambulance came.
He was there as everyone prayed some more.
He was there when i finally realized that God had everything under control.
He was there when i finally realized that God knew what was going to happen.
He was there when i finally realized that God had planned everything out.
He was there when i finally realized that He placed someone at LCCF tonight who knew what to do in a situation like this one.
He was there when i finally realized that God works in even more amazing ways than i thought.

please pray for my friend. i'm not sure what happened to her tonight, but God does know. He knows everything. He's wonderful like that. thanks.

just another bleh day.

i'm supposed to be in music history class right now, but my tummy is hurting me...so i'm gonna take a nap after i'm done blogging. velsie stayed over her from sunday-monday and that was super times. :) she slept over in my dorm and so we started talking...and we kind just talked through the whole night. literally. we just talked and the next thing, the sun came up, my alarm went off and it was time for morning classes. ahhaha. it was great though. :) good times with velsie!

i had a make up piano lesson yesterday, and i'd have to say that i think it was possibly the worst piano lesson i've had here at laurier. the ultimate worst. it was the first time i looked at the clock and wanted my lesson to be over. the worst part is, i actually practiced too. :( but it definitely didn't show. i hate getting disappointing looks from teachers. especially teachers that i like. so i left feeling pretty discouraged. i'm still feeling kinda discouraged. and with all the pre-registration stuff coming out, there more stress. not to mention my history paper that i need to start on (it's due next week). i think i'm gonna go to library tonight. there's so much stuff to do. so many things on my mind.

argh. i give myself much unnecessary stress. and out of all days, my tummy picks this one to feel wierd and strange...today is definitely a bleh one.

lifesong.

so lifesong has come and gone. (lifesong is basically a coffeehouse-type thing put on by uwccf). i think that the night was very powerful. very moving at times. very good. :) i sang the ruth ling song (posted below). i managed to pull a sharon and forget some words but i guess that's pretty irrelevant compared to why i was singing the song in the first place. even though i made mistakes, i hope that God was pleased with my attitude and my heart. and i hope that He still is.

it's really hard sometimes when people compliment you. i've always had some difficulty responding to compliments about my piano playing or stuff like that. and i think that after a while it becomes tougher to truly give God the full credit. it's one thing to externally show humbleness, but it's a whole different story to be humble internally. i view myself as an instrument. for my piano playing, it's not really me playing, but rather it's only my fingers. the music that comes out is God's doing. same with voice - my vocal chords, but it's not really my singing. (if that makes sense). but sometimes, when you get a lot of positive feedback, it can go to your head and then all of a sudden you find yourself thinking otherwise. that's where the problem occurs. but then on the other hand, when you start getting all proud of yourself for being so humble...you're being prideful again. it's something that i've struggled with in the past. and just something that came up after lifesong. compliments in themselves are not bad, but it's the way in which the compliments are absorbed when things have the potential to get bad. i pray that God will have mercy on me and continue to humble me and break my heart for Him.

i think that ruth "said" it best after she played her piece that she composed for her baptism testimony. (it was a different song). my sister was showing me the video and when she finished and everyone was applauding, she didn't bow. she didn't smile big and take all the credit. she actually didn't say anything. instead, she just pointed towards Heaven and directed all the clapping and the praise towards God.

awesome. i hope that my finger will always be pointed towards Heaven - directing the positive feedback or compliments i receive to the One who really deserves them all.

ruth ling | How Can I Not

Who am I, for You to want me as You do
Loving me as I am
Who am I, for You to touch me as You do
Reaching out both Your hands
Who am I, for You to bear my burdens
Lifting again and again
Tell me how could I not love You
With all that i have

*How can I not love You
How can I not care
Through the valleys of the shadows of death
it's You who hasn't left
Tell me how can I not love You
With all that I have

WHo am I, for You to save me as You do
Paying the price that's due
Who am I, for You to love me as You do
Giving me life that's true
Who am I, for You to have the patience
molding again and again
Tell me how can I not love You
With all that I have

*
With all that I have
How can I not

this is the song that me and justin will the playing at lifesong. to me, this song is so powerful - in it's words and it's music. so passioante. ruth is such a talented musician - she has definitely been blessed abundantly in music. i hope that others will be as touched by the song (not necessarily how it's sung - heehee...because i'll be singing it - but in it's lyrics) as i was when i first heard it.

for more info on ruth and her music, check out www.ruthling.net :)

warm fuzzies...

for some reason, tonight i feel all warm and fuzzy. i like things. :) i'm appreciating lots. friends, my sister, my parents...even my dorm. haha. i dunno, there's something about my dorm, that makes it cozy. although the walls are cement, the space is small and there's no carpet. it's cozy. and it's quite the lazy man room. lemme explain:

desk: one step away from the bed.
sink: two steps away from the front of the bed.
window: one step away from the bed (beside the desk, along with the shelves)
closet space: mmm. maybe 4 little steps away from the bed
washroom: three steps away from bed

mind you, these are all measured in my steps. ahhaha. see? small room, but also cozy. notice how everything is measured relative to my bed. the most important and most used spot of my room. heehee. anyway, so there's just something about tonight that is giving me the warm fuzzies. AND i just finished my theory assignment. :) now the only thing left to worry about is my recital that's tomorrow (technically today), which i have spent the weekend and this week practicing for...i've been practicing around 2 hours a day pretty much ever since my history exam last thursday. i really hope that it pays off...still gotta cut my nails. can't forget. it doesn't sound good when you play piano and all you hear are fingernails hitting the keys. so dirty. ahhaha. i know you guys needed to hear that. :P

anyway, so today i read my friend, edmond's, blog and he asked a really good question - "how many times have you thought of God today?" well, today i thought about God when i woke up, and before i ate my meals. that's pretty pathetic. considering that sometimes i don't even think of God when i wake up. if you add up the time i spent thinking about Him, it would probably equal like...less than 5 mins. maybe 6 mins. tops. well...there's 24 hours in a day. hopefully tomorrow will be better. his question really struck me though. it struck me good.

so i guess i'll end with the same question (hope u don't mind ed!)..."how many times have you thought about God today?" hope your answers are better than mine was. g'nite! :)

o3.o3.o3...

well i'm a day late in blogging. so since nothing has happened so far today (i basically woke up and watched gilmore girls on my computer...) i'll just fill y'all in on the events of yesterday.

me and alli led women's cell. it was really good! we led it on "quiet time" - and how it's really important for a healthy relationship with God. i just pray that i'll be able to really apply what i led - because i don't want to be hypocritical. so today when i woke up i spent a few moments just talking with God and praying. so that was nice. :) i hope that continues...

yesterday was also our (justin and me's <-- haha. so grammatically incorrect.) 6 month. :) Happy 6 months! glad we made it this far...thanks for everything.

uhmmm...that was pretty much it. i had a pretty busy day yesterday...i pretty much only saw my dorm for like...15mins in between the hours of 1:30-11:30. but that's alright. yesterday was super productive. :) alright. i'll blog more later...but for now, i've gotta get to the practice rooms and practice some more piano! i need to play my piece in front of my masterclass (we have a masterclass recital) tomorrow...bye everyone! have a great day. :)

in my Father's arms...

i was thinking about this concept today during sunday service at CFC. Ken Taylor spoke about Jesus and who He really was. He mentioned how Jesus was fully God, as well as fully human - which meant while he was in fact, human (like you and me) He still posessed all his God-like qualities (all the "omnis") he chose not to use some while he lived on Earth. for example, he chose not to be able to be in 1000 places at once, just one. he also chose not to have simultaneous conversations with 2 million people at once...you get the point...

however. please note that Jesus CHOSE not to use all His power. it's not that he couldn't. he chose not to. there's a big difference.

so yah. as i was saying, i was thinking of how great it is to have a God in heaven that is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent (and all the other omnis. hahaha. i remember there being more, i just don't remember what they are right at this moment). whenever i'm down or lonely, sad or broken, i always imagine myself climbing onto God's lap, His loving loving arms (the same ones that created the world) engulfing me and His love penetrating through every part of my being. when i'm sitting there God gives me 100% of His attention. this is what i always pictured but up until today, i didn't really understand the power and wonder of God through this little picture of mine. you see, i now realize that whenever i'm up there sitting on my Heavenly Father's lap, with His arms wrapped around me, so are 213049874325789213 other children of God. and yet, God gives us each 100% of his attention. 100% of his ears. 100% of his love. and while we sit there with God's arms wrapped around each and everyone of us, comforting us, protecting us, each pair of arms is God's arms. how great Thou Art.

In my Father's arms is me - someone who cries there, a human who hurts there, a girl who laughs there, a child who finds her ultimate security and best friend there. In my Father's arms are billions of my brothers and sisters in Christ, each with their own trials and problems but each of us receiving 100% of God's attention. how many people do you know that can do that? exactly.

my Father's arms are like no other.

another week gone...

and just like that, my saturday is over. my week has officially come to a close. this week has been one of great stress. but that was only until thursday. after thursday it was great. :) doesn't matter than i might not have done very well on my music history midterm. whatever. at least it's over and the nights spent listening to gregorian chant will now cease. *sigh of relief*

never did like the medieval babes.

so today i practiced piano for two hours because my masterclass recital is coming up and my hands/fingers totally did not want to cooperate with me (since i didn't really touch the piano all reading week, and this week too). being in music isn't as easy as some people may think! actually, it's probably harder than people may think. much harder. :P the opera at my school was tonight, but i didn't go. i dunno...i've never really been a big fan of the opera *eeks! sorry erica!* it's probably because i don't know enough about it to fully appreciate everything that's going on. yah. that's probably it. then i watched two towers with justin. soooo good. the wait was worth it. :) some parts are scary though. why must the characters be so ugly? except for legolas (the guy with the arrows). he's so dreamy. i didn't think so for the first one, but in this one he was just so cool. hahaha

i've been in such a good mood lately. i'm not sure why. like, just this week i was looking out the window during a sunset and everything just felt so...right. i can't explain. i guess that i was just truly content. :) i haven't felt that way in a while. God's been good to me this year. i really can't deny it. there have been times where things have just really sucked, but He's pulled me through it all. and He'll continue pulling me through as long as i tightly hang on to His hand and let Him lead me on. i love Phillipians 4:11-13. i wrote out the passage and stuck it on the wall beside my bed as a reminder. oh that Paul. so good. :)

anyway, church is tomorrow so i should probably get some sleep so i won't be sleepy throughout the service tomorrow. so g'nite everyone :)

p.s. oh. and yesterday i solved my dinner dilemma. out of nowhere i had a craving for chinese food so i went out and got some chinese take out from China Garden. heehee. and in the process i learned how to say two types of noodles in chinese there from the restaurant owner guy (i think). i really need to learn what the different types of noodles are called... :d

buhbye doggie...hello rocks.

i have had waaaay too much time on my hands. i changed my blog template thing - i thought it was time for a change. it took me way too long. i tried to put up pictures *up there* but i couldn't figure out how to change the rock pictures without taking away the whole heading part. so meh. whatever. the rocks are growing on me. :) they remind me of...capstone, "rock of all ages", times near bodies of water where i'd try to skip stones (or just throw them as hard as i can into the water - great stress reliever) and "sufficiency" - rock stealers! heehee :) oh! and i finally figured out how to get a comment thingie up. so go comment away. :)

anyway, so justin's having his business exam right now...hope that it's going okay for him. he seemed like he knew his stuff when i was testing him earlier...? so hopefully that's going well. however, my can opener is in his room and i'm hungry. :( i was going to just warm up some clam chowder in the microwave (in the lounge) but now i can't. so, i have two options: wait for the can opener, or take matters into my own hands and break down his door. hahahah. no. just joking. my other option is to go out and get something to eat on my own. too bad the caf is already closed. it's time like this where it would be so cool if God sent manna down from heaven again, and covered my dorm floor. hahaha. doesn't matter if it's just bread. i'd just add a little bit of salt. :) hahaha. i'm kidding. :P

oh well, i'll figure something out. *rubbing tummie* alright, time to go. hope your tummies are fuller than mine. :)

get out the hot water and honey...

thanks to everyone who prayed for me for my music history exam. :) it was GREATLY appreciated. well, the exam was kinda...ehh...let's just say many people when it was totally over were like "oh gosh. that was hard. hope I passed". I was also one of those people. the listening examples were hard. i don't know why but i couldn't remember some of the titles and genres. ahaha. i still don't. but whatever. my teacher only played the examples once. so that was quite hard too. and on lots of the short answer questions i had to leave them blank. but i hope that i did well on the written analysis portion (i totally put down ANYTHING) and the essay. oh gosh. my essay was maybe 10% content / 90% crap. ahhaha. hopefully she'll mark the class easy though - or else lots of people would have done really bad! BUT...i'm so glad that i'm done.

other than that, my day has been really good. i managed to stay awake the whole day (excluding the nap i took after my exam for 2 hours) on my 2.5 hours of sleep. i can't pull all nighters. there comes a point where i'm just like, "yah. screw this, i'm going to bed." that point happened at around 4am. actually, that's about the time when amy came by (because she was on the verge of falling asleep while studying too) and we both just kinda gave up. ahhaha. but we had a really good conversation. we talked about a lot of stuff. and somewhere in the middle of everything the topic of spiritual warfare came up. it's still a topic that scares me quite a bit. i know that God's "bigger than the boogie man" and with Him on my side i don't have anything to worry about or fear, but...i dunno. i still get scared. i wish my imagination wasn't so crazy sometimes. and i wish that i didn't infiltrate my mind with all these ghost stories and scary movies when i was younger. poo poo. oh well. just gotta stay strong and stay really close to God.

oh. but yah. tonight has been quite the relaxing night. taking a 2 hour nap. getting surprised with pizza for dinner. trying to catch up with some macgamut that was due two weeks ago. watching smallville. watching gilmore girls. yup. quite the relaxing night. :) now...if only i didn't have a sore throat...time for my "honey drink". hopefully this will help. :) hope you all had nice relaxing nights too. bye!