Pain

Lean into pain
Let yourself feel it for what it is
Because only then it can be changed
Into something more
Something useful
Something you can learn from
Something that can change you
And that is when you realize
Pain is grace.

Looking for a Saviour

These lyrics are the words on my heart as I start off this new year and the more I reflect on them the more I feel like 2017 is going to be an interesting one. I'm not sure what 'interesting' will look like or even what it could even mean at this point (and in all honesty this makes this feeling a bit terrifying), but I'll keep trusting even if it's the most difficult option.

My heart echoes the words of the father found in Mark 9: "I believe; Help my unbelief!"

I abandon my addiction to the certainty of life

and my need to know everything

This illusion cannot speak, it cannot walk with me at night

as I taste life's fragility

I am looking for a saviour I can see and know and touch

One who dwells within the midst of us

May a broken God be known within the earth beneath our feet,

Let our souls behold humility

Let our souls behold humility

When our plans become the casualties of getting through the day

and we begin to know our weakness

And denial isn't strong enough to hold our fears at bay

and we can't escape our emptiness

I see the sympathy of heaven in the earth and wind and trees

I see hope within the morning sun

I am searching for meaning

I am looking for healing

I am haunted by your reflection

I was blinded by my addictions

I am torn apart by the dying

I an giving up on escaping

Will I learn to live without taking

Will I learn to see beauty in the making

I can't pretend to know

the beginning from the end

but there's beauty in the life that's given

We may bless or we may curse

every twist and every turn

will we learn to know the joy of living