door number two is closed too.

i love music, i really do. i'm soon-to-be graduating with a BMT (bachelor of music therapy) & BA Psych, and in retrospect i'm glad that i chose the option i did, but the road to where i'm at now has been tough, long, and full of resistance...from me.

i realized today that throughout my whole life, i've constantly tried to run away from music. i've tried different things, but i've never been able distance myself from it. in elementary school i did this by refusing to fill out the arts york program applications until the morning of the day it was due (and even so it was only because liz made me); in high school i did this by originally applying for only science programs; and in university it was applying to masters programs in speech-language pathology for post-grad education.

well, all my attempts failed: i ended up going to unionville high school for their arts york piano program, then going to wilfrid laurier university for music (then eventually music therapy), and i didn't get into any of the schools i applied to for speech-language pathology. i don't believe in coincidences, so it's not by chance that any of these things happened. with all that in mind, i can't help but ask myself why i'm so reluctant to enter into the music field when He has guided me this far, and has equipped me with musical skills.

to make a long explanation short, i'm scared.

just call me Jonah. maybe this, my not getting into speech, was my big fish...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11

...but even jonah eventually learned that with God's help he could overcome his own personal baggage and follow God's plan for his life right? i suppose now it's my turn.

where You lead me, i will follow...