hello!! untechnically (haha. if that is a word i may use) i'm not late with my Christmas greeting because i haven't went to sleep yet - so it still feels like the 25th to me... ;P

hope that your Christmases were super fun and spent with those that you love - for these people are better than any material thing you could ever give or receive...however, the BEST present has to be (and always will be) a tiny baby boy, born to a virgin teenage mother and carpenter, wrapped up in cloth, lying in a manger, born over 2000 years ago.

little Jesus Christ - little did Mary and Joseph know that the baby they held in their arms would grow up to conquer evil, capture hearts and reconcile mankind to Our Heavenly Father. Joy to the World...if only everyone knew how powerful and truthful these words really are.

Merry Christmas. :)

this is what i want to be doing right now, but...

1. there is hardly any snow outside
2. the snow that is outside is gross and brown
3. i have an exam tomorrow... :O

oh goodness. exam tomorrow. must study...wish i was a little kid again. *sigh*

here's the summary of the episode that was on at 11am.

"Meredith's Struggle
Meredith Arnold is a very lucky girl considering her circumstances. She was born cocaine addicted and with a severe facial cleft. She became a ward of the state until being taken into custody by Michael and Camille Geraldi, two physicians who operate a home for children with severe physical disabilities. Meredith has undergone several surgeries to repair her face, and now hopes to look "pretty" by removing the facial scar tissue."

at first, when the episode started there was something that made me want to change the channel. it was my vanity. my shallowness. this little girl had a story to tell, and i wasn't going to watch it because she wasn't enjoyable to look at? i felt really shameful, because i knew the reason why i didn't want to watch. so i just continued to watch, slowly being drawn into the program - until eventually, i didn't want to watch anything else except Meredith on TV, and i felt my heart break.

probably 5 minutes into the program i started to really tear up, and that pretty much continued for the next half hour. at first, i cried for her because her birth mother had just left her there when she was born due to her birth defects. i cried because when she was born she was addicted to crack - meaning when she was in her mom's tummy her mom did crack throughout her pregnancy. i cried for her adoptive parents, because they loved her so much that it hurt them to see her in so much pain. i cried for her, because of the pain she had to endure from all her reconstructive surgery - she was after all, only 9 years old. i cried because of the world's view of beauty, and how this little girl desperately wanted to meet those standards. there was a shot of her parents tucking her into bed the night before her surgery (that was shown on the episode) and by her bed there was a whole collage of magazine cut outs of models. this is what she saw every single day before she went to bed. but after the surgery i cried because i was so happy for her. throughout the show, as the audience was given more insight into Meredith and her lifestyle (and just her in general) i started to see her in the way that God saw her. a beautiful child, even with all the complications in her physical appearance. finally, after her surgery (and after 9 years of her life), she got to be "beautiful" outside as well as in. she wasn't beautiful by the standards of the world, but she was in the eyes of her parents, and of herself. she physically saw herself in the way that God saw her all the her life.

i was shameful because at first i didn't even want to watch the show - because i had only the world's view of beauty in my mind. i didn't want to watch the show because she wasn't the greatest to look at. i never thought of myself as being vain before - but today i realized that honestly, it's an area that i need to fix, because obviously i am more vain than i thought. God has taught me something today, and it's only around noon. :)

what did He teach me? i learned today through watching Meredith's story that i need to look at the world, and see not what the world sees, but see things from a different perspective. i need to look at the world and see things at a deeper level. God doesn't look at people and separate the beautiful from the ugly. in fact, through God's perspective, no one is ugly. God made each and everyone one of us. He created our "inmost being". He created ALL of us to be "wonderfully and beautifully made", but sometimes, i'm so wrapped up in the ways of this world that i forget that.

all of us are creations of God - whether we realize it or not. funny how God can use a 9 year old's story on the TLC to remind me of such an important lesson. thanks Lord. :)

today was a great day of doing completely nothing. :) *sigh* it was great. what did i do today? i woke up, put on my slippers (yay! mommy got me new fuzzy slippers when shopping with lizzie in boston. they're so comfie. i loooooove them!), brushed me teeth, went downstairs and (ahahha...i'm such a geek) practiced piano for a little bit. oh well. i'm a music student...majoring in piano. :P hahaha. yah. i started to learn my new piece! i'm playing 'scherzo in e minor' by Mendelssohn. i play it super slow. (i just opened the book this morning) and it's not toooooo bad. not as bad as i thought. so yah. i'll manage. maybe i'll surprise my teacher and have it all learned by the time i go back to school. ahhahaha. that would be funny. she'd be like...what? maybe....probably not though. i don't practice enough. (today was the first time i played piano in quite some time). but anyway. i'm sure no one cares, so i'll continue with my day. then my mommy came home and we ate lunch together. then i downloaded gilmore girls 307 (the one that we didn't manage to download back at laurier), and yah! it was a good episode. can't wait till tomorrow. then it'll be a new episode. hopefully. unlike last weeks. 2 episodes of reruns. i was not impressed. not impressed at all. :P yah. then, i did some other stuff....but i don't really remember what. all i remember is watching trading spaces and while you were out. i love those shows. they're great. some of designers are really...uhhhhh....different. very exotic. maybe a little too out there for sharon. i like things classy with nice clean lines. yeeeeah. :)

anyway, so tomorrow i must get to studying for theory next tuesday. i let myself not do anything today beccause i figured i needed a break. i need to open my books and look over everything though. theory is definitely not my strength....i'm actually more scared for this one than my philosophy one. *argh* i dunno if i can bring myself to start studying though....doing absolutely nothing just seems so much more appealing... :)

ladidida... :)

guess who has a final on monday...meeeee! hhahaha. oh crazy philosophy. i've read everything over once, and i've gone over 5 essays (works....whatever you call them) in detail. outta like...the 20 000 there are. oh goodness. where does all my time go? oh. blogging. and icq. the two things that i'm doing right now! hahaha. i'm great! i'm so screwed. *sobs* oh well. have u ever wondered why philosophers always talk for so long? and use such ridiculously long words. (www.dictionary.com has certainly been my best friend over the past few days). oh well. too bad they don't realize that they babble. unlike me of course. *babble babble* i never babble. *babble babble* nope! not me! *babble babble* so maybe i do. *babble* just a bit? *babble* teehee. sorry. i'm a big dork. :P

anyway. i have a new thing. i sit on my desk and look out the window. it's great. it's really relaxing. i really like doing it now. lets me calm down from the rest of the day and spend some time with the Creator of the Universe. can u imagine that. HE - the Creator - wants to spend time with me. *sigh* and you too. :) isn't He wonderful? yep. He really, really is. it's really nice. having that time to just have a conversation. even if it's a silent conversation. i get stuff outta those too. just sitting there, enjoying the company of God. i really like it. i hope that it's not just a phase. or if it is a phase, i hope it lasts forever. :)

just got back from adrienne's place a good ten minutes ago, where me and will watched life is beautiful. for all y'all out there who haven't seen the movie, i totally recommend it. it's such a great movie. but get the original version (spoken in italian) with the subtitles rather than the one that's dubbed over in english. i've seen both, and the subtitled version is the better one outta the two. :) it got me thinking about how blessed i am. how many blessings God has graciously given me.

i thought about how much i complained before - about res life, about my dorm room being so small...but really, those things are so incredibly trivial and stupid. i saw today a depiction of how life was for the people in concentration camps (a depiction. so things were most likely ever rougher in reality) and we're so lucky. we're so lucky that we don't need to go through stuff like that at the moment. we're so lucky that we can have nice beds to sleep on, clothes to wear, food to eat, a place to stay...the list goes on. we're so lucky to be living in a time and country where we don't have to worry about half the things that the people of the past have had to deal with...we're so blessed. i'm so blessed.

...and i don't even realize it half the time. do you?

here's to: laughing, conversations, hashbrowns & bagels, burgers, crying, hugs, smiles, praying, movies, gilmore girls (haha. they ARE that witty. :P haha), smallville, wallace & gromit, instant noodles, chunky soups, kettles, hot chocolate, pinball...the list goes on. thanks for the good and the bad - i wouldn't have it any other way. i wouldn't want to be going through this stuff with anyone else.

so thanks you. :) here's to: three months (and a day) :P hahaha....ok. go study. calc tomorrow.

good luck with everyone else on their exams! study hard. and try not to play too much pinball. :)

hello world! :) well, right now i'm at my uncle's place!!! lemme see....my cousin Danielle came up from California...so it was GREAT seeing her again and getting to play with her :) we played hide-and-seek. again. i'm getting too big for this game - i barely fit in the closets anymore!! :( booooo to growing up. anyway, then i got to see my cousin Edward - he's a little one. three months :) he's super cute! although he can't quite talk yet but he does a lot of baby munbling. heehee...it's so cute! he's so big now! and long...he's gonna be a tall one when he grows up! anyway, i'll blog more later...Danielle wants to play pinball....she's so silly! she's "growing taller than a Christmas tree" (climbing the other side of the stairs) and then "shrinking to smaller than an ant". ahhahaha. those were direct quotes. okay! pinball time!...

i was just about to go to bed, but then i looked out the window...

now, the view from my room isn't anything too extraordinary. at this moment, from my window i can see houses, streetlights, the road, outlines of trees, and falling snowflakes. it's beautiful. everything is covered by a thin layer of snow. i'm not sure what it is about this moment, but i'm captivated. it's so serene. so tranquil. so still. so quiet. so breathtaking. so this is what it's like for everything to be still...there's one verse that is repeating itself over and over and over again in my head.

"be still and know that I am GOD".

thank You, Lord. thank You for this moment.

i miss fall - i miss the beauty of different coloured leaves, but winter's not so bad... :)

isn't it funny how much words can affect someone? they can make a person laugh, cry, happy, sad - the list goes on. they can offer comfort, betray, encourage or destroy. never underestimate what they can do. never underestimate the how good they can make someone feel. never underestimate how much they can hurt.

actually, no. i take back what i said before. it's not that funny, really.

you never know whom you might offend - even if unintentional. it may seem like nothing, but you never know who may come across your words. word something the wrong way, and you may end up hurting or offending people you never meant to.

don't say something for the sake of saying it. think first.

i know that i've said many hurtful things out of anger, pride or hurt. i underestimated. and i'm sorry.

Ginny Owens | Own Me

Got a stack of books, so i could learn how to live
many are left half read, covered by the cobwebs on my shelf
and i, got a list of laws growing longer everyday
and if i keep plugging away
maybe one day i'll perfect myself

oh but all of my labour, seems to be in vain
and all of my laws just cause me more pain
so i fall before You, in all of my shame
ready and willing to be changed

Own me, take all that I am
and Heal me, with the blood of the Lamb
Mold me, with Your gracious hand
Break me till I'm only Yours
Own me

Oh You call me daughter, and You take my pain
and You run to meet me, when I cry Your name
so I fall before You, in all of my shame
Lord I am willing to be changed

Own me, take all that I am
and Heal me, with the Blood of the Lamb
Mold me, by Your gracious hand
Break me till I'm only Yours

Own me.

Lord, this is so hard. continue to break me so i can learn what it truly is to have You own every single part of me - even my inmost being. control my thoughts, control my actions. help me give everything to You. invade my soul.

what a wierd night.

well...today was quite the interesting one. :P Leo came up from TO and it was super great to see him again, and talk to him a bit - it's been awhile. so basically after he came, justin and i went to take him out for a burger...on our one card. hahaha. because we are students. and we have no money. so yah! but he liked it (cause the burgers are quite the yummy!) so that was good :) then it was off to jon's house where we started watching ice age, and then we went to Mel's to meet some people for dinner...

this is where the wierd stuff began. so yah!! i was seated next to this really....uhhhmmmm..."interesting" guy. he's quite...i don't even know how to describe him. creepy? yah. definitely. wierd? yes. annoying? totally. usually he's alright, but today he was bad news. REALLY bad news. he kept saying things like, "can i sleep on your shoulder? it's warm and fuzzy" or "do you want me to keep your chair warm?" okay...what the hell???!!?!??!?! who asks someone those kinds of questions?!?!?!...especially when you know that the person you're asking is already taken. *sigh* it's not even like this is the first something like this happened (it was the same guy last time too...) so many problems on so many levels. that got me really angry during dinner. total disrespect to me, justin, and me & justin. i was rather upset actually...good thing that's over and done with.

so after that whole episode thing i didn't really feel like going to ccf (b/c that guy would be there too) so me justin leo and jon went back to jon's place and we watched the Count of Monte Cristo. hahaha. this is my second time watching it in two days. :) but it's an excellent movie. then we came back to our dorms where justin and i had a really good long talk. :)

anyway that was basically my day. i'm still kinda mad about the whole dinner ordeal thing, but i'm more annoyed than anything.

so many problems...*shaking head*

Sharon's venting for the day:

just got back from choir and i'm feeling kinda bleh. bleh bleh bleh. i don't like choir. sometimes it's enjoyable...but usually it's just really....yucky. my choir director is really argh. very sarcastic and can be extremely mean at times. he gave us 2 weeks to learn a completely new song by Brahms in german. GERMAN! now how am i supposed to learn it...in two weeks? i don't even speak chinese - how can u expect me to sing in german?!?!? oh well. whatever. choir isn't that bad i suppose, i'm just all bitter because we have a concert coming up. it's next friday. that really sucks because i wanted to go home for the weekend. i don't really care though. i'm still want to go home. even if that means i'll just leave waterloopoo on saturday morning instead or something. i'm running outta socks. :) but yah. hmmm. choir...bleh bleh bleh.

i miss wazzy and the good ol days of the UHS concert choir...what the crap am i saying? hahahaha.

okay, WLU choir has officially messed up my brain.

hmmmm....i have two midterms in the next two days (wednesday and thursday) and i can't concentrate really. *sigh*

what i've learned through studying so far:
- psychology is super boring
- our brains are too complicated
- some philosophers talk too much
- they use too many hard words
- i'm definitely not a utilitarianist
- i really should have started reading earlier
- internet is a really good procrastinator
- highlighting is fun...
except when it gets on your hands

ahhhhhhh. oh goodness. must get back to reading. have a great day everyone :)

well...just got back to laurier and i'm feeling all tired and groggy - no good, because i have lots of work to do. well...mainly a theory assignment due tomorrow (that i haven't started at all) and studying. oh goodness. i have 2 midterms this week and i'm totally screwed. but anyways! this weekend was really fun :) justin, james, alli and me went up to queen's to visit!! what a nice looking campus - with all the historic looking limestone buildings...they were really pretty - although a little scary looking at night. but it's a really nice campus! i stayed over with angie - thanks angie! - and it was really cool getting to talk to her and know her a little better. we found out that we actually have quite a bit in common...so that's cool too! yay music majors! :) it was gracie's birthday on saturday so that's was cool how we could go have dinner with her. and who did we see in kingston while we were there?!?!?! anita, ivan and patty! hahaha. *u big stalker, anita! :P* heehee. it was really nice getting to see familiar faces - especially when there were so many new ones. all in all i had a great weekend. i would blog more....but my music assignment is waiting for me...so yah! i guess i should probably go now....here's to: conversations until 4 in the morning, playing pool on a big snooker table, fluke shots, sweaty jitz handles, that darn queens cafeteria :), 'janice wong's student id number, cramming 4 people in angie's room the second night...hope all y'all had as great a weekend as i did! :)

currently: procrastinating all my reading for as long as possible...ahhh...so much...

today was a pretty good one. i went to psychology (i didn't go at all last week). it turns out that what i was reading yesterday in order to catch up, was a chapter that my teacher isn't even teaching! goodness. but oh well. i was reading about consciousness and it was pretty interesting. even more so now, now that i know it's not gonna count for anything. *sigh* what can u do? then i went for lunch and i ate with justin, dawn, alex and amy. it was pretty nice getting to sit down and chat for a while...before the noon concert at maureen forrester recital hall. so that was pretty...interesting. flamenco dancing. it was okay i suppose. i don't really know enough about dance or anything like that to REALLY appreciate the program as much as others could have. :/ but some parts were really well done. the violinist was really good. very into the music and i thought he played really well. very expressively. that's probably what i liked most about the concert. :) anyways, then it was back to my dorm to do a little reading for philosophy before choir. we got let out early from choir today as the conductor did sectionals for the last part of rehearsal today - and it wasn't my section. sweet deal. :) so i left early. then i ate dinner with justin in the caf. and that was nice too. better than the usual, instant noodles. hehehe....(yah...u know it's true.) :)

anyways! i just checked my marks and i'm doing okay :) i'm soooooo happy with my program and everything - i know that there is always room for improvement but i'm satisfied with my marks at the moment. although, i won't stop trying...so hopefully the marks won't go down but up! funny thing is that i got 10% higher on my 2nd psychology test even when i only read one out of the three chapters. hahaha. and the first test i read all three chapters. i'll never study for psych again. ahhaha. just joking. :P i just need my marks for my piano lessons/masterclasses and choir - but i think they should be pretty good...hopefully :) but seriously, i'm so happy where i am right now. for those choosing what to go into for university...totally lift it up to God. He'll show you where to go. who woulda thought, my back-up plan would become my first choice? and i wouldn't have it any other way. i remember i felt something urging me to go into music, but i totally hesitated and wished that God had a different plan for me - preferably the same plan that i had for myself. last november, i didn't even put music or laurier as one of my university choices. but ever since i decided to go in this direction - to give up my own wants, aspirations and ambitions - things just kinda came together better. i look back at my past - my experiences, my memories, my conversations - and i totally see God's hand there. He's really something. now, i can't imagine myself anywhere else, taking anything else. i just can't. and i couldn't be any happier. God knows what's best for you. just leave it to Him, trust Him, follow Him...and enjoy the ride. :)

the s u p e r blog...

sorry for the delay in my blogging. i guess i'm just a lazy bum...but hopefully this will make up for it...anyway, i digress. i'll start from the beginning of my super-long weekend. :)

w e d n e s d a y [nov.6] - coming home

wednesday was pretty good...i ended up not going to philosophy again (goodness. i need to go to my next one. i haven't been to one since my midterm exam! oh well. just need to motivate myself to read i suppose). instead i came home early! yay!!! yup, that's right. i skipped my thursday and friday classes so i could go back to TO for my commencement. yes I, Sharon, have officially commenced. :) didn't really do much when i got home...watched Gilmore Girls...on TV (as opposed on my computer) and it felt...great! i love gilmore girls. *sigh* :)

t h u r s d a y [nov.7] - commencing

thursday was pretty good. it felt good waking up, putting my feet over the side of the bed and feeling carpet. :) (my bathmat on my tiled res floor just isn't the same, u know?) i woke up about 9 30ish (about the same time i would've woken up for class, and i couldn't fall back asleep) so i went downstairs to have breakfast with mommy. then she left for work and i started...i don't even remember what i did. hehehe. i just wasted time until about 12ish, then 'a makeover story' came on and i watched that for a while. then, that night was commencement. it was really nice seeing everyone again - especially those whom i haven't seen since the last day of high school in june. so, although it was extremely boring to sit through everyone, it had its good points too. afterwards we all went back to UHS for the refreshments and whatever afterwards. it felt really wierd being in that building again. but whatever. those days are over. :) hahaa. although in some way, i'll miss them. then we were supposed to go for jap noodles, but they were closing. so instead of hunting for an open restaurant (like everyone else) me and lil decided to go back to my place. it was really nice getting a chance to catch up with Lil - since we haven't talked in what seems like...forever. then josh came over also and the three of us were talking - until lil fell asleep on the couch. heehee. silly lil. that day, i realised how much i missed seeing some school people. but at least we can still talk when we're all in town. :) thanks for the talks. really.

f r i d a y [nov.8] - alli/james/sharon day

ooh! today was fun! i went outlet shopping with alli and james today on orfus. hahaha. i got us lost on the way there. oops. typical me. :) i left the directions at home again. i wonder why i always tend to do that - figure out directions to a place, but then forget them at home when i need them the most. anyway, at least we got there alright. :) then we each bought one thing, not spending more than $20 each. then it was off to downtown TO. james had some crazy driving and had a little episode with a guy in an intrepid...but we won. muahahahaha. good job. :) and it was fun. then we went to the ROM. oh good ROM times. i remember when i used to go every year with Lisa Yap-Chung and her mom, way back when we were really young. hehehee. we'd always go to the batcave and have the time of our lives. ahhaha. it was great. so that place brought back some really good memories. so we went and got a little more cultured (right alli?) :) along with laugh our heads off AND we went to the batcave. i still love it. :) some things just never change...

s a t u r d a y [nov.9] - sharon day

saturday was my chillaxin day. it was really...relaxing. i didn't really do much. i slept in, talked to velsie on the telephoner, i watched tv and i went shopping again. i first went to michael to get wool for mommy, then to club monaco where i bought grey sweatpants (which are the most comfortable pair of pants ever made...honest. exactly what i've been looking for. e x a c t l y. sweet deal.) then it was off to chapters to look for justin's present (and they didn't have it. so poo on them. ahahha. *imagining poo getting dumped on chapters.* hahaha. sorry. i'll move on.)i went to first markham to get my glasses cleaned (with the super-cleaner machine in the store) and the owner remembered my name! yay! :) then i got them adjusted and tightened because they were getting awfully loose. then i went to jacob outlet, then i came home. and started to clean my room, but then got all distracted when i came across pictures. i love looking at pictures. so the cleaning room process kinda...didn't work. BUT...i now have pictures on the wall of my dorm. :) then i talked to velsie on the telephoner again (it was good talking times! so it went for quite some time...) then i called justin, and that was the end of sharon day. :) it was great shopping alone - shopping with people is really enjoyable...but there's something about shopping alone that appeals to me. although i don't mind shopping with others as well...in fact, i did that the day before :)

s u n d a y [nov.10] - the end

sunday was the end of my mega-weekend. it was nice going to etcbc again. ahhaah. i was there the week before as well but too bad. uncle steve spoke about the heart of missions. he used the sponge analogy - how we need to be revitalized in Christ so we can have something to give, instead of walking around like dry sponges. i think that i dry out too easily, but i don't go back to the water source frequently enough - so i walk around a lot, a dry sponge. so that's gotta change, and i know what needs to be done, it's just a matter of doing it. but it was a pretty good message. i really like that analogy. dry sponge times much cease. *sigh* much work to be done on my spiritual life. after church it was time to come back to waterloopoo. this time - for the first time - when we were returning to waterloo i didn't have the same feeling of dread anymore. i think i've fully adjusted. :) so i came home, and packed away all my stuff (and believe you me, i had a lot of stuff! thanks will and alli for helping me carry everything up to my room, and much thanks to will for the ride!) then i got to see justin again! yay!! i hadn't seen him since wednesday. and yah, i did miss him. so it was nice to see him again. :) then we watched 'big fat liar' and it was pretty funny. and then watched 'serendipity'. i love that movie. it was a perfect way to end my super weekend.

i had so much fun this weekend. so thanks to everyone who helped make it so fun...good times. so few days, but many memories. anyways, this blog is soooooo long. thanks for reading - and for making it this far! hahaha. and i'll try to blog more frequently in the future...bye! take care and God bless! :)

short and simple...

yesterday was a crazy day.

maybe a little too crazy for my liking...

intense pain i've never like that felt before.

an event that shook me up.

a day full of sleeping.

a day with prayer.

but i'm feeling better now...

thanks justin.

but most of all....thanks God. :)

all night, all day
angels watching over me, my Lord
all night, all day
angels watching over me.

"If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." - Psalm 91:9-11

i love that song. i won't forget it. thanks for sharing liz.

i love that verse. what a comfort that is. thanks mom.

i love that promise. You are awesome. thanks God.

draw me even closer, Lord...

well...i just finished talking to leo on the telephoner. we talked for a long time...and it was GREAT!! it was really nice getting to talk to him again - haven't done it in quite the while. anyway, he told me to update my blog (jon also mentioned this to me tonight) so...here i am....updating. :)

earlier today i was in a very contemplative state of mind. i dunno. just thinking and stuff. so many things. sometimes....university life is crazy. hahaha. but it's alright. it certainly is different...and it has made me change my perspectives on some things.

university has made me...
- appreciate home more
- appreciate my family more
- treasure my true friends
- discover great new things (ie. labattblueline)
- think more in general
- appreciate music all the more
- have a greater appreciation for sweatpants
- stop wearing contacts (haha. i haven't touched them for a month)
- meet new and great people (ie. Anita, Dawn, Steph...to name a few) :)
- a little more independent (I would like to think)
- discover a little more about myself
- be more thankful for the things taken forgranted back home (ie. getting to drive a car back in TO)
- realize all the blessings that God has given me

yah. all in all, this whole experience has had its ups and downs...but, what doesn't break you only makes you stronger right? :)

well...today has been a crazy day...good ol university. :P ahhaha. and i'm feeling really outta it....so i'm gonna get going. g'nite world. :)

head spinning, teary eyed, trying to understand, trying to change, reflecting, re-evaluating, surviving...confused. this is my world today. some days i like it, some days i don't. so far today, i don't. but i'll look back later and i'll appreciate it.

Father, help me. guide me. thank You for loving me in ways that no one else can ever love me. help me understand. comfort me. dry my tears. hold me. be with me. help me change. thank you for fearfully and wonderfully making me in your image. i pray that i'll learn to be the person, the child of God, that You want me to be. help me surrender.
all this in Your Sons Holy Name,
Amen.

hmmm...things seem to be getting brighter. :) Thanks God.

'today' is really 'yesterday' -- *sigh* what can u do? :)

heehee....my day has finally come to a close. what an eventful night it has been. actually. an eventful day in general. :) i went to psych class at 10 where i actually found it to be quite interesting. we were learning about vision and the parts of the eyeball and stuff like that. and it was really cool. :) then i watched zoolander. what a funny stupid movie. hahahaha. so stupid! magnum. oh goodness. *heehee* anyway. then after that i went to my private piano lesson - and that was pretty good. i need to practice more. i realized that i could go and practice in my teacher's room today. that should be good....because the piano in there is sooooo much better than the ones in the practice room. ahh. so many possibilities now. :) actually, not really. just another spot where i can practice. as long as i get there soon enough - since it's a first come first serve basis. hmmmm...then after that i came home where i did nothing in my dorm for a while. (haha. :P) and then i went back out to teach piano...

my piano student's name is Helen. and the whole family is really nice. they used to be my mom's student but then they moved to waterloo (because the mother is getting her masters in engineering at uw), so now she's my student. :) how convenient. they're really nice. i went over Helen's apartment (they drove me) and then we started the lesson at around 7, ending it around 7 30ish. she's a pretty bright kid. impressive. :) although practice is essential. hahaha. as it always is. :P then they fed me dinner. and then i got a ride home.

then...i went to wilf's, with justin, dawn and jon. (hannah also came, but she left earlier). there was a band was playing, "blackwater trio", and they were pretty good....considering the fact that the songs they played there weren't exactly my favorite. ahhaha. it was quite interesting there. :) i won't go into details but yah. ahhaha. it was funny. oh yah. for all your non-laurier goers, wilf's is the on-campus bar. so i'll just summarize the events. jon and justin drank a lot of stuff that tasted like crap. (they call it beer *yuckyuckyuck* - and it really tasted like POO. i've never actually tasted poo, but i'm sure that if i did, that's what it would've tasted like. but, i got 2 bucks for having some...sweet deal.) dawn and i had some stuff that tasted pretty yummy. and then dawn got soooooooo red, and my head felt woozy. hehehee. but no worries. everything is still intact. nothing went wrong. still able to walk in a straight line. and habits will NOT be made. so yah. all in all, it's been a fun night. *one of us...one of us...ahhaha. too funny dawn...too funny...yay!!!!! :)*

so, many thanks to justin, dawn and jon - for making tonight so great. *hugs* u guys rock. so fun. :) i'm about to fall asleep right here...so i'm gonna go. g'nite all y'all. :)

another early morning...*yawn*

*sigh* another weekend at home. what a GREAT feeling. and it's ever better since tomorrow is monday and it's thanksgiving. so no school. an extra day at home. :) yay!!! anyway. so this weekend has been quite nice. didn't really do much. but it was nice and relaxing. just what i needed. time away from things. time away from people. just some alone time. chilling with myself. it's been great. lizzie came home this weekend too. which was a total surprise to me. my dad led me to my room when i came home saying that i need to clean it (which i need to do also) and then liz just kinda popped out from by bed covers. ahhaha. i screamed and started laughing my head off. that was the start of my weekend. it couldn't have started off any better. :) then we went to shoppers, got a few things, then went to blockbuster and rented 'the panic room' and 'changing lanes'. both movies weren't bad at all. although i found the endings lacking. but whatever. then saturday came around and i totally felt like being a bum. not going out. not doing anything. so, that's what i did. :) i must have practiced piano for minimum 2.5hrs - catching up on all the practicing i don't do while at school. :P and i really needed it. my hands felt really good afterwards. hopefully my piano teacher wil be extra happy with me this week. then i watched changing lanes then justin came over for a bit, and we watched enemy of the state which happened to be on tv. and that was good too. didn't get a chance to see him for like...almost three days. which is a lot considering i see him everyday at school. so it was nice seeing him again, after not seeing him for a while. which was probably a good thing too. because maybe we see each other too much? not that it's a bad thing. but it could turn into a bad thing, if the whole dependency issue becomes a factor. :/ then basically i watched trading spaces into the wee hours of the night until i went to bed and got up for church the next morning.

the sermon today was really good. tim preached on jonah's prayer in the big fish. while he was preaching i was reading the beginning of the book of jonah (his sermon started in the 2nd chapter), which is something i usually do, to get more context of the verse that is being focused on. it's really cool, the book of jonah. i never really paid much attention to it, but i appreciate it much more now. imagine that, God never giving up on someone. even when the someone has given up themselves. God places scenarios in our lives, for our benefit. even though it may seem that's not the case sometimes. but really, sometimes God needs to put HUGE obstacles and crazy events in our lives because we just don't get it. just like jonah didn't get it. why? because sometimes we cannot comprehend the great plans of God. because we sometimes we just aren't ready to fulfill the things we are meant to fulfill. so wait, why the obstacles again? so we can learn the lesson that God wants us to, and be better equipped to do what God has in store for us.

it's what we call 'tough love'...oh that God. i love Him, isn't He great? :)

help me long for You more and more, Lord. teach me more, and help me have the courage and strength to learn.

in the name of the One who died for me,
Amen.

nichole nordeman | every season

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

still October 9th. it's late. u know how it is... :)

thanks to everyone for yesterday (the eighth). thanks for the icq messages, the phone calls, dinner, the piece of cake, the cards...just everything and anything that was done just to show me that u cared. even just being with me...thank you. :)

wow. nineteen. i still remember when liz turned nineteen. i thought that she was super old. and now, three years later, it's my turn. time seems to go by so fast. so many things learned, so many mistakes made, so many changes. soooooo many things that are uncertain in life. where will i be in ten years? will i even make it to being twenty? :) one thing's for sure though, God's love for me has never faltered. looking back, i see His hand guiding me through the stages of life. blessing me with the presence of those around me. placing people in my life at specific times. giving me opportunities time and time again. loving me, mistakes and all. loving me, even when i place Him at the back of my priorities list. loving me, when everything i do tells Him i don't love Him nearly as much as i should. loving me, for me. unconditionally. constantly trying to mold me into the person He wants me to be - even though many times, i resist.

why? because He is my daddy and i am His. i'm His child. His daughter. on a more personal note, lately i've been feeling as though i've been drifting again. as i sit in front of my computer typing this blog, i feel more and more shameful as i think back to all the days when i have seen my Bible by my bed but have neglected to open it. when i knew i should pray, when i knew that God was longing to talk to me, but chose not to. so a prayer request of mine would be, to really see how much i need God in my life (especially at this stage of life). not even so much as needing God. but needing God above all else in all stages of my life. I need God's presence. it's been a while since i've really, truly felt it, and i'm longing for it again. i don't need a good worship night. i don't need a good sermon. i don't need a good devotional book. i need Him. and as i type this, i'm starting to truly recognize how much i really do. i may be 19 now, but i'm still the same confused little girl i was at age 18. the same confused little girl i was at age 14. i realize that i can't do it alone. i can't keep on living like this. i need Him.

so many changes in life. thankfully i have something i can hold on to that will never change. the one constant in my life: my Heavenly Father. i pray that i will continually remind myself of this. i pray i that i will never let go of the hand of my Daddy. I've known what i've had to do long enough. it's time to take it a step further. it's time to truly take my eyes off me. won't be easy, but it's not impossible either. nineteen years. God's been waiting for me far too long...

plz continue to pray for me...don't let me forget what i just wrote...thanks all y'all. :)

thank you to everyone who remembered. it's not even an hour into the day and so many people have already said the two words that people only hear once a year. :) thanks for remembering. i feel so blessed. u guys rock. i'll write more later...thanks again! *hugs*

i'm currently: feeling nostalgic

today i talked to gloria on the phone for quite a bit. she's great! i totally miss her. i miss all the gloria and sharon times! giving each other THE 'sign' at times when it completely did not make any sense whatsoever. shopping at eaton's centre and screwing up taking sticker pictures. hahahaha. so long ago, but still so fresh in my memory. :) it was sooooooo nice talking to her again...haven't talked to her in quite a while. she's still the same ol outgoing, silly gloria. heehee...

at one point we brought up the slackers. hahaha. it was soooo funny. we called ourselves the original slacker crew. it started at a daniel camp and number of years ago (i think Daniel Camp '99) and it was comprised of me, gloria and jin. we had so many good times. i'll never forget the 'diaper incident' - when we went canoeing and each of us wore 2 lifejackets. one around our upper body like normal people, and another around our bums which not only gave us more padding making the canoe ride more comfortable, BUT also gave us a water resistant barrier so even if we sat on a wet seat in a canoe our pants would still be dry (so we wouldn't have to change pants later). soooooooooo many crazy memories we've shared. and now we've gone out separate ways - Vancouver, Ottawa, Waterloo. but our memories will 'last a lifetime'... :)

so...as a result of our conversation i'm now feeling nostalgic. friends. people that have the ability of leaving marks all throughout one's life. from the really early memories: cutting paper during naptime in kindegarten (heehee...u know who u are rinny..ahhaha), to the memories in between: sleepovers (ahaha...so fun shannon...helmet box *shhhhhh*) and then to the more recent memories: grapes (oh crazy lizzie!), driving school/silly conversations/everything else (justin), venting times (jon), super silly conversations about adam and eve (leo), slapping faces (james), trace busta busta busta (alli)...along with the other memories that i just can't list because there's too many...you know who are. thanks for leaving your mark on my life. :)

here's to all the times - both good and bad. my life just wouldn't have been the same without them. thanks. *clink*

it's early in the morning again...just wanted to share lyrics of a song that has been in my head the whole day before i said good night to the world. it's one of my most favourite hymns ever. i love it.

[His eye is on the sparrow]

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I`m happy,
I sing because I`m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I`m happy,
I sing because I`m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I`m happy,
I sing because I`m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

okay...g'nite world. :)

btw...in my head it's still October 2nd. it's just the early morning...again. :)

i liked today. even though it was a wednesday, and wednesdays are the bad days. i actually had a headache after my 8 30 class and felt dizzy so i feel went back to sleep again at 10 and woke up around 11 30 - so i missed my masterclass with anya today. but it was such a good nap. *sigh* wierd dreams. but whatever. they were interesting but enjoyable too :) anyway, so today i went and had chinese dinner with lccf. the bad part? i was soooooo late (i told them around 8 30 i would get there but i ended up getting there at around 9 00). why? because i went to the wrong restaurant. and so then i walked back to school went on the computers there and checked my e-mail. finally figured out where it was, and by the time i got there it was 9 00. ahhaha. i pulled a me. *sigh* oh well. doesn't matter. then afterwards, me and justin went over to anita's house where we played mario party 2 until like...midnight. and it was great! even though i really sucked. anita presses that 'a' button sooooo fast. it's ridiculous. hahah. anita really is just about the nicest person that i've ever met. yay anita! and i haven't even known her for that long, but i do know that she's an amazing person. she even bought jujubes for justin and told him he had to share them with me. hahaha...she's so cool. :)

but yah! i'm totally in a really good mood right now. just listening to my sappy songs, chewing gum, talking to people on icq that i haven't talk to in while. so there's this guy who lives on my floor and he's talked to me through my door twice now. yesterday he was just like "sharon better not be sleeping. it's too early". (my name is on my door...) and then today he was like "go to sleep sharon, it's getting late". ahhaha. what the crap? but whatever...it's funny. :) i have no idea who this guy is, i only know that he's white. i don't even know if he's seen me before or knows who i am either...oh well. it's amusing...

oh! while i'm still in 'october 2nd mode'...HAPPY nineteenth BIRTHDAY JOSH!!!! :)

anyway. it's getting pretty late. probably should be heading off to bed now...so....i'm gonna go now. oh. one more thing. its officially been one month (taking into consideration it's technically the third). i'm a happy one. :) g'nite!

i'm currently: chillaxing in my dorm, eating saltine crackers, listening to 'by the tree'

Hello world. :) today was such a hot day. so now i'm just taking it easy. trying to clean my room as i have been doing the whole day. i'm just super slow. and super messy. so put the two together and that's why it's taken me so long. so yesterday i got to talk to two friends on the phone. (yay procrastination for studying!) nono, but both conversations (one with alli, another with phoebe) were really good. it was really nice just talking to them and seeing what's been going on in their lives lately...

so it's the first day of october. one month of university over. only about 7 more months to go. the workload hasn't been too tough so far, just the whole adjusting aspect of it was tough for me. i live a pretty sheltered life back home in to (well. my thornhill suburb. :P) and i think that i still live a pretty sheltered life here in waterloopoo. but i don't really mind. i know things are out there. but i choose not to do them. i suppose some people will think i'm ignorant, and maybe to some extent i am, but it's not like i don't ackowledge the fact that things are there to do. i acknowledge them. i just don't do them. i just can't imagine myself doing it. hahaha. i mean, can u picture me at a club? hahahahaahhaha. i laugh because i can't even picture that. :) i went to 2 proms, in one i didn't dance at all and in the other i was literally dragged and pushed out onto the dance floor. and i stayed there for maybe 10 mins at most the whole night. maybe some time in the distant future, but not anytime soon. anyway. i had a point in all of this...lemme just stop and regroup.

oh yes. living a sheltered life. well, there are up sides and there are down sides. some people like it, some people don't. for me, i'm content with listening to music and eating saltine crackers in the safety of my dorm room. i'm a 'homey girl'. (no not homie-ghetto. homey as in i like staying in). i like being comfortable in my surroundings doing things i'm comfortable doing. i know this isn't how everyone else lives. i know that not everyone would do what i do. and i respect that. but, this is my life. this is me. and i like it. :)

"You are holy, holy, holy,
both now and forevermore".

those song lyrics have been stuck in my head for a while now. they're from a song sung at the embassy last monday. God. holy both now and forevermore. for eternity. something for me to meditate on...

i don't think that i'm going to embassy tonight. on account of me being a little sick and having a psych test tomorrow (which i still need to catch up on my readings for). *sigh* this weekend has been quite crazy. but it was so nice being home again. :) seeing my parents, having dinners with them, being in my room, going to ETCBC (i miss that place!). that car ride home was really fun too. (thanks james!!) it was james, justin, alli and me. and none of us fell asleep. :) it was really great talking with them...fun talking times! i'm going to miss home again (like i always do when i'm here) but i better get used to living here in waterloopoo. i'm gonna be here for a while. it's getting better though i think. i'm getting more adjusted to my surroundings. it's week 4 of classes, week 5 of being in this town...wow...time goes by pretty quick...

i feel so blessed. everything seems to be working out fine. my program (music) my courses (even though some are more enjoyable than others) my teachers (although some of them are a litte sketchy)...i'm happy to be where i am though. i totally fel that God was pushing me towards music last year, and even though i resisted a little bit i eventually gave in and i think it was the best thing i could have done. i feel relaxed, content, and very happy. i'm happy to be able to use my spiritual gift of music for enjoyment, serving and academic purposes. my whole experience of picking a university to go to and a major to go in for, has been one that has taught me a lot. I learned first hand, through experience that God knows best. and if you follow His plan for you, things will work out eventually and you will enjoy His plan soooo much more than your own plans. and it's a good thing, because most of the time we have no clue what we really want. not to say that our plans for ourselves are all bad and horrible. it's just that, God's plan are just so much better than ours. :)

technically 'today' is wednesday, september 25. it's just early in the morning...*yawn*

lalala...well today was pretty good - for wednesday. wednesdays are my packed days, starting at 8:30am and ending at 8:30pm (mind you, i don't have classes all in a row so i do get some breaks). my masterclass was today. it was bad news. the bad news of today happened there. (heehee) first off i was a little late (because...i dunno...i was carried away doing something in my door) so by the time i got to the recital hall (which is where it was for the last two weeks) i was like 15mins late. so i was about to go through the back stage door to get to the hall when i stopped and heard singing. now, i'm in music at laurier majoring in piano, so i shouldn't here singing. so went to the john aird building (3rd floor) and looked at the list posted outside my instructor's door. turns out that for today my masterclass was in another room. so by the time i found that room (grrrrrr A318...i couldn't find it for the longest time. it's NOT beside A319 or A317...??????) i was 30mins late. then i listened until i had to play. and i played horribly. ack. my first impression to the class and i totally messed it up. guess that means i need to try that much harder to redeem myself. although considering that out of everyone i probably practice the least, i shouldn't be suprised. i need to get myself into school mode - or else bad things will start to happen...anyway. i need to try my best. God didn't bring me here for me to put in a half-hearted effort. i need give it my all...

anyway, well after my philosophy class (which ended at 8:20pm) i headed over to LCCF <-- Laurier Chinese Christian Fellowship. it was a bible study on the parable of the sower. it was pretty good. my leader, dawn, had a lot of good stuff to say - along with others in my bible study group. i just wish that i didn't hafta go in late everytime because of philosophy. then afterwards i was talking to justin and anita then we got pitas (well...justin and i got pitas - anita waited with us until the grocery run bus came to pick her up). anita is great...i really like her. she's so nice. one of the coolest people here in waterloo in my opinion. ahha. we're gonna treat her on our one cards. :)

God has totally blessed me in terms of providing people at certain times. like friends in waterloo, without which the transition from living in toronto and living in waterloo would have been 1203983547829 times worse. i want to especially want to thank, adrienne, jon, anita, allison, will and edmund. and a big thank you goes to justin. who lives on the 4th floor. hahaha. we're great. :) i also wanted to thank, leo for coming to visit us here in waterloo and for the once upon a tandem poster. i read it over and over, and it's totally been a source of encouragement. just like yourself. :) God is wonderful. He's so good to me. too good to me. after everything i've ever done to Him, He still continues to love and guide me. wow. that, i find amazing. and truly comforting. what an awesome Father i have in heaven. :)

well, i think that's enough for one day. should get some sleep. that's something i lack these days. take care and enjoy the pitas... :d

wow. so i finally got one of these things. figured, it's easier for me to type out what's going through my mind then saying. wierd. but oh well. but what can you do? so it's my third week of university. didn't think it would be like this at all. tv shows like felicity really throw totally alter perceptions of university and probably leave most frosh disappointed that their university life isn't the same. ahhaha. whatever. :P there's hollywood for you. always altering reality, creating a 'perfect' world that doesn't exist. that's alright though. beacuse things aren't so bad. i'll survive. i'm missing home lots. missing my parents, my sister (even though she's gone in Boston anyway), my house, my room and the people who have been there for me and have put smiles on my face. :) hope that wherever they are, they are having the time of their lives (cause they totally deserve it).

anyway, so yesterday i went to the Embassy - which is this church service on the waterloo campus held on monday nights, and i thought that it was really good. the worship there was totally amazing. i haven't heard worship like that ever since....i took my cd out of my cd player. ahha. it was THAT good. they played united live songs better than united live themselves. and they seemed so real out there. their eyes were closed, they were focused...it was real. the speaker wasn't bad either. said some really good stuff, about farsightedness, nearsightedness and how we need vision in our lives.

that's something i totally need. vision. and not just long-term or short-term, but a balanced vision. i need to look ahead without disregarding the present, i need to concentrate on the present and yet not forget about the future. i need to look at my priorities again. i need to determine what God wants for me. i need to get back in touch with my Heavenly Father. i need to not only say these these things, but this time i need to actually get out there and do them. it's time for a change...and the time is now.